I’ve never been one for these types of thoughts but recently suicide has been on my mind. I’m 29 as of last week and by most of those that know me would say that I’m the social butterfly, very energetic, loyal friend with the beautiful girlfriend.
During the last 2 years of our relationship, we have not only become very close, but her family has basically adopted me as part of their family. Her mother and father love me, and her 3 younger sisters look up to me.
A few weeks ago, she asked for a break, which has been hard for me to deal with. Long story short: One day we are all on a family vacation, and things are perfect… wedding bells and plans ringing in my brain, and then the break….
Now I don’t mean to paint this picture that everything has been 100% kosher during our relationship. We have had ups and downs, neither of us have ever cheated or done anything like that, but we have fought, argued, etc. Â Bottom line, in the end, we already realized that our lives together were much more beneficial, and that as long as we had love, the glue, we could get through anything.
I’ve also lost my job recently, but that pales to this whole relationship/family matter…As confident of a Â person as I am, in both my talents/skills and also myself, I do few a heavy weight, because it’s as if my significant other and best friend is not there for me right now.
I moved back home, but it feels strange. Â My own parents and I aren’t nearly as close as we once were.
Now things have gone from bad to worse and she is in a different place. She no longer wants “us”… and is asking for me to disappear…. even though the family wants me there and wants all of this to blow over…..
My own family feels alien to me and within 6 months, they will be retiring and moving out of state…..
I’m terrified to be losing my girlfriend, my new family, and being alone.
Now I’m researching leaving my “will”
and figuring out what other preparations to make.
It’s ironic, because I am intelligent, and if any of my friends said this to me or read it to me…. I’d know exactly what to say…but the emptiness that I feel is so depressing….