I’ve never been one for these types of thoughts but recently suicide has been on my mind. I’m 29 as of last week and by most of those that know me would say that I’m the social butterfly, very energetic, loyal friend with the beautiful girlfriend.
During the last 2 years of our relationship, we have not only become very close, but her family has basically adopted me as part of their family. Her mother and father love me, and her 3 younger sisters look up to me.
A few weeks ago, she asked for a break, which has been hard for me to deal with. Long story short: One day we are all on a family vacation, and things are perfect… wedding bells and plans ringing in my brain, and then the break….
Now I don’t mean to paint this picture that everything has been 100% kosher during our relationship. We have had ups and downs, neither of us have ever cheated or done anything like that, but we have fought, argued, etc.  Bottom line, in the end, we already realized that our lives together were much more beneficial, and that as long as we had love, the glue, we could get through anything.
I’ve also lost my job recently, but that pales to this whole relationship/family matter…As confident of a  person as I am, in both my talents/skills and also myself, I do few a heavy weight, because it’s as if my significant other and best friend is not there for me right now.
I moved back home, but it feels strange.  My own parents and I aren’t nearly as close as we once were.
Now things have gone from bad to worse and she is in a different place. She no longer wants “us”… and is asking for me to disappear…. even though the family wants me there and wants all of this to blow over…..
My own family feels alien to me and within 6 months, they will be retiring and moving out of state…..
I’m terrified to be losing my girlfriend, my new family, and being alone.
Now I’m researching leaving my “will”
and figuring out what other preparations to make.
It’s ironic, because I am intelligent, and if any of my friends said this to me or read it to me…. I’d know exactly what to say…but the emptiness that I feel is so depressing….
23 comments
It is really hard to lose something you grew to be so familiar with and eventually loved. I guarantee you that the feelings will pass. Think of it as a new beginning, maybe go out and do something you have always wanted to do. I used to hate change, but its growing on me and has become a liberating feeling to me. Take this time to go out and discover 🙂
yeah speakout…. what you say makes perfect sense…. but I feel empty by losing this package…. girl and family.
I know, but there are more good things out there. I mean you found something you loved once, it can happen again. Time will make the feelings pass, so at least give yourself time and enjoy the time in between. There is so much out there to experience, you just have to keep your mind open to it
I’ve been trying…
Cycling everyday, swimming, intense fitness, trying to channel this in a positive manner
Physically things are amazing, but on the inside they feel unbearable.
I went to pick up her sisters today from school, they were so happy to see me. Her mother and father were so excited to see me as well… I didnt even try to see her, tried to respect her space.
…and she contacted me tonight and was livid at me….. so my happy positive day turned to gloom very quickly
Well give it some time to get used to. Thats great you are channeling things into positive ways
yeah.
tomorrow I’m going to start listing a lot of Ebay auctions, and looking into my will.
If things get too much, and I commit the ultimate selfish act, I want my debt to be a burden on nobody, and I want to leave $ for her and help her out.
I dont think I can explain to her why I’m on this site, or why I am thinking the things that I am, but I do this think this site is very positive.
It’s soo sickening, often you meet someone you feel destined to be with, and their family or yours, do not approve of the other…
Here I am, the family adores me, I would do anything for them, and this happens…. why?!
We had the best Valentines Day. Her Bday was end of Feb and we went to Vegas together, and then did a Big Bear Cabin trip w/ the family on the wknd…..
IF this is all a bad dream, or a joke… I’d like it to plz be over now.
I know it seems really shitty right now, but I really think you need to take time to reconsider. It is really really really hard losing the ones you love, but I can assure you there are more things out there. Please do not make any harsh decisions right away. There are people who love you and what you around. Hell, I want you around and I don’t even know you 🙂
thats the hard part speakout…
a lot of these stories… the people are so alone, or at least they try to portray that. I dont want to assume anything…
My life is not lonely, I have great friends around me but I can’t cope w/ losing “this” girl…and “this” family….
I wont be doing anything too quickly because I want this to be planned.
If I ended it now… the bank would come take my car, creditors would try to take all my $ in the bank and nobody would benefit from my passing.
I have enough belongings that I can sell, pay off my debt, and leave cash to her, along w/ my vehicle…which will help her out.
Hello
I fully, fully, incorporate and sense what your feelings are, the dismantling of all the expectations. Not only that, in my case, to make things matter worse I happened to be one of those very sensitive individuals who experienced the life of love as something fulfilling and nearly ruling my life. The fact of seeing that all that is gone can be for many people, devastating. But, here I am. Writing. And it was 9 years ago. I started doing about the same you are doing, reading websites, etc. I found a psychologist on the web. She took me for free emailing for months, just like that. I never met her in real life. I used to write to her 2 pages letters. It turned out that she was specialised in cases of terminally ill people who knew they were going to die. Imagine having daily talks and meetings with people in those circumstances. What could you tell them? Well she knew how to handle that.
I tell you what is going to happen to you. Carry on as you are doing. Normal life, work out, eat and dont engage in bad habits. Yes, granted, you are going to be carrying the pain while you walk, or swim, but carry on. Know that belongs to it. It doesnt mean you are done. It means the normal process. I was madly “in love” with her, but now I tell myself “how could I get to have loved such a person when she was actually not good at all?” Yes, at this moment you are still attached to emotions and representing memories of past events etc. But, the question is, I dont think she was that good if she left a young man like you. My strong belief is that truly meant loves never break up. Never. and again, never.
The rest yes, it is emotional dependency, emotional pleasure, all those kind of things that we experience such as dialog, companionship, eventually sex, etc that bring us pleasure and it is the lost of those things which makes us sad or depressed but is it actually love what you lost? hmm, I would be inclined to say that you have lost what I have mentioned instead of actually “love”.
The true numbers are young man that more than 90% of the relationships going on in the world are an exchange of fulfilling each other emotions, a sort of égotisme àdeux (double egoisms being mutually fulfilled). This is because we are that imperfect, myself included. It may have to do with our western society and lack of preparation for soul experiences, etc but it is so.
You have even placed your picture there. The idea of a young man like you doing away with himself with such a potential for everything in life would shock us and let us dry mouthed. You are a fully healthy person mentally speaking reacting the natural way to an event like that. I insist on this point: dont build logic saying, yes, this pain means that i have to do away with myself. No. Just recognize it and say, yes, I know that I am going to feel like this for weeks, some days I may feel better some others worse. Those up and downs belong to the process.
Ultimately if you still feel down, and I can tell you, as a pharmacist, visit the doctor, do mention to him your suicidal thoughts.
Having suicidal thoughts does not mean that you are going to kill yourself. It means the natural strategy of the mind saying, I want to get rid of this pain. As per the mind, you can hurt her or you can cheer her up. For example, now that you have the big blues of sadness, if you stick in your room playing sad songs you are going to be crying more than you should. While the crying right after the event is healthy, the torture of returning to it is not. So, once you feel you have cried enough, do not expose yourself to sad events. Force yourself to nice time, hang out with other friends, bowling, or whatever. Give your mind nice experiences. She ll do the rest.
Again, I am not a psychiatrist, if I have failed to find the appropriate words, forgive my lack of talent.
best greetings
Alvaro
Hey man. I’m sorry for you, sounds like a horrible situation. Do you have any idea why she is acting this way? Seems like something must have built up or something for her to do that? Any idea how she’s feeling about it? If you can salvage it, I hope you manage to, and otherwise, I’m pretty sure there are a lot of lovely, lonely girls out there wishing someone like you would come into their life. Maybe someday that could be an alternative? Whatever happens, I just hope you manage to do what feels right for you. All the best, and good luck 🙂
Alvaro, thank you for taking the time to write all of that. You make some very valid points and good avice.
Hey Muspel….
There could be many reasons why she is acting like this, however her family and I believe that she may possibly be suffering from some sort of chemical imbalance/dpression….because it truly has just come out of nowhere.
I spoke with her family this week, and they are wishing that this all blows over because they miss me in the household, and feel that part of their family is no longer w/ them…. me.
On a positive note, I received a call today about a job interview at a company that I have been trying very hard to get in with, so that has given me some energy plus I had a wonderful gym sesh today…
I spoke to God this morning, whom I haven’t been close with in sometime and I’m just hoping that -she- will come around and either help us work through this, or even see someone professionally to figure out why this sudden change in her thought process has occurred.
I agree that there are many girls out there, and perhaps, many are better suited for me than this girl… but I still have hope until it is finished for certain.
I made my will in January in preparation for death sometime in July, although it turns out it might come sooner. The most valuable thing I’ve left behind? SpongeBob DVDs. This causes me to lol.
“My strong belief is that truly meant loves never break up. Never. and again, never.” That is real talk. I couldn’t agree more with you there Just. True love doesn’t bail.
hey, I can really relate to how your feeling. I just recently got out of the hospital with an attempt with antifreeze. Im scared to be alone. If you want to talk my msn is straberryz@hotmail.com
I lost it all too, and Im just a 28 year old girl trying to figure out who I am after all of this.
Hello Straberryz. I read the word antifreeze about some days ago, someone talking about it, was it you planning to do it? I am shocked. You should not stay alone a minute these times. At the very minimum, please stay here reading seeking help and forget about those awful things of antifreeze. You know it doesnt kill you straightaway but would cause awful liver damage had they not gotten you in time. I cannot believe they just release you and leave you on your own. They cant do that!, Havent you got a family?
Yes, Straberryz. I cant believe it! you were asking how to about the antifreeze and you really did it! What is your situation now? have friends, acquaintances, some family? any counselor or dr for meetings?
Im Ok, it was about two weeks ago that it happened. I have boarderline personality disorder traits that are only really noticible when my coping skills come into effect…personally I think and always have thought I have dependant personality disorder, but Im not a doctor. I’m on some medicine that seems to be helping, and have decided to go to DBT. Some days I know I have alot to live for, and other days, I really dont know why Im here. Im just tired of feeling so empty all the time, I want my life to have meaning.
I do have lots of friends and family, but I was isolating myself when going through crisis. the one person I counted on for help, and the only person I was allowing to know how I feel, and only person I was willing to let help me, left. It still hurts to talk about it, I dont know how he could do this to me after seven years…
Hi straberryz
I am not a dr either, just a bonafide ignorant in the field, so if there are technical descriptions in it, i may be missing points, and maybe also, proposals or suggestions that i make are lacking in understanding. But, whenever I hear that someone is trying to find meaning in life, wouldnt for example joining organizations who go overseas in projects to help people in desparing situations make a lot of sense? is it not possible for you to get out of your routine scenario and become active in Bolivia, or South Russia or India ?
About the person who left, was he a boyfriend or a counselor? Do you relate the crisis to his leaving or was it after that?
Your face looks familiar……. That’s strange……
No Its not possible, I have a home, and kids. It was a husband of seven years who left me.
That stinks. But try to think about how other people have no choice whether to die or not. Try and help people. Its great that you are trying to be positive but go to africa or a soup kitchen because you have your whole life ahead of you and some people need someone to help them make that fact come true. You know what you said about speaking to god? Well if god exists and is really that great hes not waiting around for you to tell him “Hey, think i should kill myself today?” No if he exists hes trying to help those people that have no choice but to die
trust me she ain’t worth it, try working on getting your own family closer together as that is what matters. Anyways about offing yourself, i am sure you can find better things to do with you time. If you feeling empty inside try smoking pot it doesnt fill the hole but makes you forget that you had one to start with.
Another technique is to sleep with different women, have fun dude your only 29.