Healing Within

  April 22nd, 2010 by 1onetheone

Hi All

As i have previously visited this suicide page when I had serious suicide problems, I would like to tell how i found healing within.


I first started having having thoughts of suicide at a young age. When I was 7 I had rather unstable emotions and was too serious about things. Little things would overwhelm me and I wasnt able to cope with certain situations.

When I was younger a man had sexually mollested me and Im pretty sure this is what led to me having sexuall problems when i was a teenager. During these years I was a nieve boy and always got into trouble however since my parents didnt let us go to school or mix with other people (and we lived in a country area) I had zero social skills and never fit in with anyone.

And My parents split a not long after i was 14. You see dad was sexually abusive and mum didnt seem to care and they only thought of themselves in such a way that we were always the bad ones who made their lives hard.

When I was 18 I left home and lived with a certain freind I had common interests with. It was this time that i lived with normal people and had to learn a lot about the way of the world in general.

When I was 22 I met my first girlfriend and also at this time was doing well in the sport i was involved with. Sad to say i cared for her deeply and was deeply hurt when she decided she wanted others.

This event including several others in my life and the relisation of the things i had gone through as a child led to a deep downward spiral that left me in darkness for several years and frequently during this time  I tried to kill myself. I was fighting a very dark depression and was deeply in grief at this time.

After several serious attempts and resulting health problems i spoke to a coucilor on the phone and eventually talked to one face to face which helped a little yet didnt fix the problem.

I frequently dipped into dark days and hurt myself more. I just didnt care I wanted to die.

Things looked hopeless untill oneday I decided to call out god seeking help from this. You must understand that to do this was a real decition cause it meant i wanted to step away from the depression which actually can be hard to do when you have been depressed for so long.

After about 6 months after this I heard from a christian about how we need to seek a personal relationship with god through jesus. And leave our own way and follow the way that leads to life.

I agreed and decided to do this myself and prayed seriously to god in repentance for my sins and from that hour the darkness left me and has never returned. I havnt had the slightest inclination to take my life and I thank god for this. The deep down root of the problem was taken away and now i am free.

This way is not easy but it is worth it and i am glad to have the peace i now have.

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