help me!!!

hello, im 15 years old. i search for help to have hope. there are many things that bother me. every time i get upset or someone i know gets mad at me and argues everything comes down on me. i hold grudges i suppose you could say, but not with anger, only pain. my pain stems from elementary school where a lot of people would laugh at me and be mean because i was chunky, short, and ugly while every one else was skinny and in good health. they also made fun of me because of my mexican accent. moreover, when i was five, i started to try and learn to speak english, but my teenage sisters (at that time) would make fun of me, and thats where everything started.the kids in school would tell me stuff like “learn how to talk english.” it hurt me really bad. what hurts even more is that to this day i am self conscience because of all those little things, i let them lower my self esteem, and you might be thinking “they were only little kids” but it continued onto my teenage years. people stare at me a lot and the only thought that goes through my mind is “i want to hide, they are judging me and how i look.” i hate presenting my work in class or reading out loud because that is all i have in my head. i know i am supposed to let go of this, many have told me as well, but i can’t seem to be able to do that. i lack confidence and i hate myself for letting them do this to me. i watched my sisters grow up with my dad taking us out to fun places, but as they got older, the problems started to increase which meant the fun time decreased. i always watched them have fun between themselves, since i was too young, and hoped that when i get to live their age iwant to have fun like them and have childhood memories. but instead i watched my sisters rebel against my father, i watched them fight, scream, hurt each other, i watched my mom get beaten by my dad sometimes. to this day all i could wish for and all i focus my life into is forming memories with my family, but its hard b/c my parents always say no to our invitations, even to restaurants. however, when it comes to my oldest sister, they are there as fast as they can, when she was the one who hurt my dad the most, and also wasted his thousands of money he had saved up from all that hard work. he now has $1,000 in his bank. it gives me pressure, i want to be older already so i can work and help him out. i watch my parents get older and older every year. it scares me to think that one day i will have to let go of them. i have always been a very sentimental person and it is easy for me to fall into deep depression. i have lost the talkative side of me and my friends as well. i feel alone. i have a few friends in school. my “old best friend” and i stopped talking these past few months, it hurt because she was the only one i had, even if i knew she would sometimes hurt me. we barely started talking, it is not the same. i have lost myself, the happy person i was. many have noticed. yet no one knows why. i have talked to my close ones about this, but they say “you’ll get over it/ we lived through those moments too/ you’ll grow out of it” but what happens if i dont. i have attempted suicide many times. i stopped for a while, but this weekend the pain came onto me to hard and i couldnt help but harming myself. i feel scared when im on the process. i know i dont want to actually die. its just a scream for help. I tell my new best friend, i think she thinks ill get over it. i told my sisters, mom. they think the same. no one takes me seriously and it angers me, causing me to do more harm. i dont know how to stop myself when i am doing it. i feel lost all the time. i have lost interest in stuff that i used to love or look forward to, my friends have noticed. on monday, after i tried taking away my life again my teacher who i am comfortable with asked me if i was okay. i smiled, but i knew he saw my pain. this week, everyday he has asked me if im okay, or “how are you doing” im tired of saying fine. its all a lie. even to my best friend im tired of lying. but she knows that i am going through this. i am doing a project on teenage suicide, i chose that topic to seek for relief or hope in my search. no one notices how many signs i have been showing that i need help. they think that i will get over it soon. I don’t want to be another suicide story/case in those books.