i think about suicide all the time

I ‘ve been thinking about suicide since I figured out what it was. I started cutting myself before I was 5, and pulling my hair out, and picking. Now I know why. But back to being pregnant, I’ve had 3 abortions, that I now wish I didn’t have. Back then I was influenced by my mama, who’s passed over now, and other family members, cause 2 babies were biracial. I’d have a family now, my oldest would be 19. Now I have nobody. My granny was so ashamed of me, she didn’t want any of the family to know. She’ll be 90 this month, and God bless her, she’s very religious, but now that my mama, her youngest of 7, is gone, she and the rest of the family have nothing to do with me anyway. I have f—ing nobody. I want my mama and I want my children. And the daddy of the 2 biracial babies, I want him back, too. Thanks to my sister, she called the law drunk, when I called her for a ride cause he’d assaulted me. She don’t even remember what she said. But the state pressed charges, against my wishes, and now he’s back in the pen. She was ashamed at one time, too. She wasn’t looking out for me that night. She should have asked me did I needed her to call, now I’m just struggling day by day. I don’t have any reason to be here. If I wound up M.I.A. , they wouldn’t notice til they needed or wanted something. And right now, they’re covered for a very long time. And when that money runs out, she and her excuse for a boyfriend can go to our pedophile daddy. I can’t do that. So, I do what I hafta do, Keep you’re baby, one day it will be grown and you’ll have somebody to look after you and love you. You have a good reason to live, even if it don’t seem like it now. I don’t know nothing, I only know from experience. If you need me, I’ll be glad to be here. I can think about how to help you instead of thinking about suicide. I’d like to share my poems I wrote when I was your age, they were all so melancholy, and about dying, suicide. Let me know if you’re interested. K?