I’m a guy and a loser. I don’t know where to start with my flaws. When people say to make a list of your good qualities I’m left hanging because I have virtually none. I am short, only 4′ 11″ hence the nickname. But it’s not that great in reality because no one takes me seriously in my high school and every other guy assumes they have authority over me. It’s not that I’m bullied at all but I know, I can see people laugh at me behind my back. I’m extremely ugly too. I never considered myself attractive, just average, until this year where I finally learned I am one disgusting piece of shit that will never get a girlfriend. It’s a common feeling shared by every girl I meet that I’m ugly, I can tell. Almost every person at my school is superficial, finding some flaw that’ll make you a permanent outcast. My grades are trash and I’m not going to get into a good college. I’m a financial and emotional toll on my family. I fuck up everything I try to do. I get feelings that death is imminent, that I’ll die soon even if it’s not by my own hand. I really am tired of life even though I’m only a teenager. I hate eating because I feel guilty that some kid in Africa is starving and really deserves this food more than me. You see other people my age dying in car accidents, from meningitis, etc. and they really deserved to live. They actually had futures and purposes and loved their lives. I ask myself why the people that want to die just can’t when these promising people were taken away. I’ve thought about how I will die; I will hang myself. I tied my belt around my neck just to see how it felt. It feels like your brain is being forced against your skull with the pressure. The one main reason I won’t do anything soon is my only friend. Her name is Katie. She puts up with a lot: she gets called ugly and disgusting by every guy in my school, she has a bad home life, she gets bullied and people are always mocking her and talking about her behind her back. But I think she’s really pretty and she is very smart and has something to be proud of. We quickly bonded as friends because we’re both outcasts and we can talk and get along like we’ve always known each other. I have a crush on her but she told me recently that she’s bisexual, so I’m never going to tell her and just try not to have those kinds of feelings anymore. Even if she was straight she would probably not be interested in that kind of relationship with me because of my looks. I asked her today if she would be upset if I suddenly transferred out of school (in place of “if I died over the weekend”) and she told me that she cared about me and would be sad because “I was her only friend.” I don’t want to break her heart and leave her lonely. I was seriously thinking of killing myself tonight. I guess I actually did touch one life in my own life but I’m not sure. Problem is that she’s moving cross-country in a couple months and I’m going to be left alone and miserable, We’ll keep in touch but it won’t be the same. I don’t want to go back to my old school for sophomore year but odds are my family’ll force me. I’m just really tired and stressed out right now.
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Well, all I have to say is. My best friend is 4’11” and he’s fifteen, and yes people DO make fun of him ALL the time. But you just gotta find someone who would stick up for you, be your friend through ANYTHING, and help you. I’d help you if I were there..NO we do not know each other..but I feel HORRIBLE when people feel like this. For odd reasons it makes me feel bad, you can always talk to me though..it’s all up to you. 🙂
~Morganne
dude, i was in the same place a few years ago. i know sometimes it feels like your situation is unique, but others do know how it feels. I know it sounds corny, but have you tried talking to your counsler? It might seem shamefull, but nothing you say will suprise them. I also made a list of people i care about that i would leave behind in total anguish. it helped me to keep my sanity. as for all the girls at your school being superficial, dont sweat it man, if they dont change, then they will be burnt out. high school seems like a big deal, but in a couple of years, it wont matter in the slightest. think about it this way. college is a new start. nobody knows you, nobody cares what a bunch of insecure high school girls think, focus on getting shit done, and getting into college. make something of your life. dont throw it away cause of what some consieted people think.
one last piece of advise, ask Katie out. my best friend is bisexual. it doesnt change the fact that she cares about me. katie will care about you. and if she is moving away, get a webcam.
good luck man. i hope you are happy with whatever choice you make…
hope this helped.
iain
hay i know how you are feeling iam also 15 i suffer from depression and i have lost the one person i could count on soft of like your friend but i siriously have to advise you not to kill yourself as it would tear your family apart 🙁 if you every want to talk im here and no i dont know you but sometimes the best friends you can make is online. just stay away from the twats on youtube 😀 x x
You seem like a really nice guy, someone I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. You’re the type of person who notices things that others don’t. I mean, some of the stuff you said surprised me because I never thought of it before. Like, feeling guilty for eating when African kids are starving. I would just like to hang out with you and know your thoughts, if that isn’t creepy enough.
Just hang in there. When your friend moves, it will seem devastating at first. It will hurt like a *****. But just hang in there. Things will get better. And if you kill yourself, *I* will personally be upset for not getting the chance to know you.
I’m sorry for you feel hopeless , just know you’re not alone . We’re all going through different circumstances , and suffering from different predicaments , but we all have your back . Don’t ever feel like you’re alone , don’t ever feel like you’re the only one . Because you’re not , you have us , even if it doesn’t seem like much . if you ever wanna talk , my aim is jessins94 . i understand what you’re going through .
I know exactly what you’re going through, I am made fun of by my own family and friends, and etc. I think that everyone would be better off with me dead, it makes more sense right? NO, it doesnt. Don’t feel like your the only one going through this. I know that life can hard and harder for others. I dont find myself attractive and i’m fat. i push through for my best friend, he moved 2000 miles away from where i live now. It broke my heart, he is my best friend and what happens, he moves, I push through for him because i know that it will break him. I’ve had major depression for 6 years and i take no meds, my parents don’t know about it, because my uncle took me and we never told anyone, i wanted to get better on my own, let’s just say, it’s not working. You really do seem like a nice guy, if you wanna ever talk, message me? Everyone in high school is just immature people. High school is filled with rumors and people who started them. Once you get out, you feel much better. i’m a junior this year and i cant wait. i am bullied, but i also get expelled alot, because i fight back. I dont let people tell me what i should do at night, to myself. You are stronger than you think. Just believe and think what would happen if you really did kill yourself. People who care might just wonder…Killing yourself has consequences and some are shit, Your family will have problems, losing a child, doesn’t help a family, it makes it worse. I understand what you’re going through. Ever wanna talk. Message me?