I…I don’t know. I’m a tomboy meaning I dress and look like a boy even though I’m actually a girl. I’m 13 almost turning 14 in May….I live in Canada. And I’m Chinese
Main things
-Born in China
-Encouraged to drink at the age of 3-5 and actually did drink alchol (by family members)
-Mom left me when I was 4, she went to Canada (I cried a lot)
-Arrived at Canada when I was 5
-I was abused by my dad and grandma….Everyone in my family knew I was being abused
-I “did it” with my cousin as a little kid and didn’t even know what I was doing……
-I was hated and parents were often out meaning I was alone and neglected
-Brother and Sister were abused with me but it was usually just me, rarely them….
-Protected brother and sister but was abused more by doing so
-Told to die and hated by Grandma
-Took care of bro and sis 24/7 (Bro was born in 2000, sis born in 2003)
-Did chores since I was 6 (I remember one time after dinner since I was slow at eating….I had to wash the dishes, even though they always give me the MOST food. So me a 6 year old stands on a stool washing her dish while trying to, while my cousins and brother and sister are outside playing and I see them out playing too cause I’m looking out a window that’s in front of the sink and even more WOW is that I’m not even the oldest out of brother and sister I am but with my cousins, I have 2 who are older than me but instead of calling them to do chores my grandma tells me to)
-Chores as in washing the dishes, helping my bro and sis take a shower, laundry, sweeping, vaccuming, cleaning, picking up after brother and sister, mopping (I didn’t always do all of that I only did 1 or 2 of these each day depending on how old I got but Laundry, I never stopped doing….Besides the bolded one’s the bolded one’s I did every single day)
In 2009 or 2008 mom and dad divorced near Christmas due to the fact of the abuse thing with my grandma and dad, my mom had just come back from China from a surgery and left the next day but I found she had bought running shoes for me and left them in my room when I woke up, my dad told me she was gone….
When I was in grade 7 I witnessed my Grandpa’s death on father’s day. He had a heart attack. I didn’t save him and call 911 right away, I’m not sure if he would have lived but I was afraid if I called 911 my aunt and grandma would yell at me again….I’m sorry I couldn’t save you grandpa…If I had more courage than I could have….
In grade 8 aka right now….my grandma would touch me….I know it sounds wrong and it is, but she would literally touch me……every morning until I woke up that’s what she would do
Currently….
in 2010 right now on april.19.2010
My dad moved back to China taking my bro and sis, I live in Canada with my aunt and her son’s  (in a basement filled with bugs, though I killed most bugs)
My uncle is in China and he works there though he visits 3 times each year, from this family (they knew about the abuse thing) My youngest cousin in grade 6, middle child in grade 12, oldest child in 2nd year of uni living by herself.
My cousins are rich but spoiled, they all think my grandma never did any of these things to me and just think I’m making things up. They were never abused by my grandma or yelled at because they’re rich.
My dad rented our house to someone else, my mom owes the bank like 14000 dollars since my dad killed it all (because before they shared the bank account and dad used up 14000 and now bank wants money back) My mom only earns 1000 per month and she didn’t get anything in the divorce my dad got EVERYTHING house, car, kids, etc so yeaa think about it
1000 per month, 500 per month for house rent, 200 for gas, 100 or more for food, not much left to pay back 14000 with but the bank wants the money back NOW and my mom is broke
I won’t be seeing my dad and bro and sis until 4 years when I start uni they come back to Canada for highschool or maybe in 2 years…depends when they get money back…
Dad lied and has a girlfriend he has a steady one and ditched bro and sis with mom’s mom, while he lives with his girlfriend (jack ass dad)
Grades have been slipping, my aunt yells at me for thinking my grandma is a evil demon and I told this to my french teacher but she told the school and the school told my aunt and she got pissed and yelled at me…Fricken brain washed dummies….Her mom (my grandma) hung her over a fricken WELL when she was little and she still thinks that her mom is sane? WTF? AS IF SHE’S NUT BALL!!!
I’m trying to not be a burden but I have to buy lunch and food and no one takes care of me as usual….And…I have graduation and I don’t know…
Questions you are probably wondering
Why am I tomboy?
Because my mom used to make me dress all girly when I was little and I hated being all girly and stuff, I wanted to be tough and strong, not whimpy! So I started dressing and looking like a boy
What worries me?
My brother and sister, no one takes care of them…..My mom…I told her to go back to China as soon as she can since being in Canada will do her no good. Will I ever escape this life?
How do I cope…
I ingore it, I force in my anger and seal it up, but when you really push my buttons with all the sealed anger your going to die, plus I don’t like to cry…Too whimpy even though it’s normal but still
It’s 5:42am in the morning and I’m not sleepy…I’m half insane and cut myself with a razor by accident and relize I like it……I want to die…..I don’t want to die, I dunno all these emotions are so mixed up and everywhere. I’m feeling everything at once and it’s just crazy.
I come to a decision…I want help, I’m insane and I need help. So someone…help? Please and Thank you
9 comments
Hello Li
What I am seeing is a shocking life behind and a extraordinary girl at present. Definitively it is necessary someone normal, stable as support for you. Count on me and on all the resources I can find.
A second issue is that we cannot let those who abused you just get away with that. I dont care if they are hiding in Shanghai or in the Philipines. We will get them.
You are not insane, you are just great. So, if you want, you can either chat with me here or with whomever or email me at spain2004 at yandex.ru
warmest greetings
Al
Hi there,
My first thought after reading this was “Wow, this is one great girl.”
You are not insane. You truly are great. Having such strength to live through horrible abuse, caring for your siblings, and witnessing a family member passing away, amazes me. Please don’t down yourself. All of your emotions are completely understandable after such a traumatic childhood.
I’m 16, also a tomboy. If you would ever like to talk about anything, please don’t hesitate. lindsaybgilbert at msn.com
Take care,
Rebecca
Hi Li.
Totally agree with justalvaro and Rebecca.
You sound like one heck of a girl. And like you’ve been through hell.
You definitely need to find someone trustworthy to talk to, to tell your story, someone to help you get the normal life you deserve.
What is important is that you end up talking to someone who listens properly to you, and who has the brains, the heart and the power to help you.
I don’t know what it’s like in Canada, whether you need to contact the authorities or whether there is someone at your school who can help you take the first steps. Skip the french teacher, it needs to be a person who understands that your family isn’t helping.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been treated so horribly, and I sincerely hope you’ll go and get the help that you need.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed!
-Daniel
u r so strong(:
i hate them- ur family- for abusing and neglecting u. i hate people like them, they take ur presence for granted. >:(
i seriously hope that u find someone out there who will listen and help u more than i can ever possibly help u.
but i think that u should talk to the authorities or something, and tell them. because as real and scary as ur story sounds, there maybe no else to help,except he police.
i wish u luck my friend… hope it all works out for u
You really are strong 🙂
If you need someone to talk to please email me at:
love.advicex@gmail.com
Now I understand your story. Im not going to judge you like you did to me. Im also a tomboy. I used to have long curly hair, I cut it all off with the same razor blades I used to cut myself. I was also in the same situation, I was molested as well by my stepdad. My real dad left when I was three, my mom didnt care about me and was always outside smoking. My friends all hated me, just because some random chick who bullied me told them to. I understand your pain and the abuse you recieve, most of us do, and I would like to say that you are a VERY strong girl. You can do anything you set your mind to. And you as well as I, feel the need to die, so why did you tell me to stop being a coward? You are just like me, not a coward, but a person who just wants help, to be saved. I admire you and wish I could be as tough as you. Im not much good since Im in deep depression, but if you would like to talk or you need a shoulder to lean on im here. Im sorry, im going to shut up now… you probably hate me…sorry…
if you need to talk email me taschrader@cathedral-irish.org
email me at tasiscrazy@yahoo.com instead ok
While I was reading this I cried for you. I’m very sorry that you’re life is so terrible. I’m a 26 year old woman from N. california who lives with my boyfriend & we have his 4 kids part-time- one of which is your age so that is why your story affected me so strongly. I’m suggesting you tell someone about the abuse you’re going through. If your own family won’t help you them maybe someone from your school or church if you go to one can do something to help. I registered here just to leave a comment to you because I felt like I had to try to comfort you somehow. You can’t possibly be old enough to have done anything to deserve such treatment & you deserve a real childhood. Not a slave for your family or to be abandoned by your parents. You can email me too. lukeslittlewoman@yahool.com. In fact, I hope that you take someone up on their offer to talk with you. You can make new friends, get advice, develope relationships with good people who actually & honestly care about you. And realize that your situation may be horrible but that not everyone in the world is evil or wants to hurt you. Even if they’re hundred’s of mile away, someone has something to offer you that will help ease your pain. And Sae22, you can talk to me too if you’re lonely or just want to vent. Thanks you & good luck.