How ironic. You can’t be depressed or perfect, that’s not socially accepted, ever. So here I am, smiling and laughing for the good, faking, so they wont know. But I really haven’t smile for days, not letting a true laugh out. I haven’t even cried, for a couple of months now. My own feelings are killing me. I’ve stopped self injuring myself, ever since I stopped crying. But now, I’m falling, trembling as I walk, dying everyday a little more, from sadness and pain. I’m empty myself, not having any emotions at all, just faking. My mask is slowly falling appart, slowly letting my emptiness show. But I wont try, hopefully not, I wont let others feel satisfied with my death. No matter how much it hurts; I rather been hurt like this, until it hurts to walk. And here I am, telling a bunch of strangers, some called friends, being realistic with myself and them, hoping for been understood. Yes I’m young, many say that there’s so much along to learn in life, but others who trully know me say that I know too much for my age, not that I really care what others say. My perfect fake life: Good looking, great grades, hanging with everyone, spoiled with things I don’t even want. People trusting you so you can advice them to a problem, but you can’t do the same, because it’s too much for others. Now, my real life: Not real emotions, no happiness, just a faker, too realistic to even dream about been happy, with parents who would barely listen to her when speaking. I’ve never thought of them as my parents neither their responsibility. I’m sick, but they or many people called my “friends”. But I’ll try my best to keep going with my mask, faking my best, till no one notices.
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I liked it. Especially the not allowed to be depressed part. About an issue in it though, some teenagers are far beyond their years, probably old souls of some kind, I was that way when I was a teenager. Hell I was as smart then as I am now about life in general, almost anyways, I really had no kind of concept of just how evil humans could be. My teens were the years when everyone made fun of everyone else, but my 20s was the decade when vultures swooped down to pick at my head. BAM! One comes down and refuses to get an abortion, she leaves me 2 years later taking my kid with her and leaving me with a $80,000 bill, during that same time I get blacked out drunk due to the pain and also overdose on codeine, while I’m laying there on the bed dying my roommate takes advantage and rapes me! Bam! Another vulture swooped down sucked his dick while he was dying on the bed! Oh yeah baby let’s see just how more beautiful this world gets, having sex with another girl, one day she dissappears, she shows up later in the food stamps office with a little girl next to her and says “Hi Haunts, this is YOUR daughter” another $80,000 bill, worse, another FATHERLESS UNLOVED CHILD in the world who is going to cause more pain in an endless cycle when she herself is older! Come on people show your true colors let’s see what else you can dish out! I work myself to the bone until I develop chronic low back pain so bad it puts me in the emergency room, but when it comes time to apply for disability, nope! Denied! We don’t believe you that you have any pain! Fuck yeah give it to me! Right in the BUTT! Remember folks if you’re late on those child support payments they put out a warrant, and if you have past-due child support payments no passport for you! Haha we locked you inside!!! I want to hear you SCREAM while I take out your small intestine, let me detroy your pelvis while I cum inside of your ASS! Now that’s what I call a party!!!
Sorry about that. I had to vent unexpectedly. I just really liked your sentence ” You can’t be depressed or perfect, that’s not socially accepted, ever. ” and it like inspired me or something. I hope I’ve at least given a hint about how cruel people can be, the older people get the more cruel probably. You probably already knew that anyways though.
We all fake it . Everyone who’s real has to fake it . That’s the only way you can play the game: life . I’m 16 , and I’ve learned my lesson . It took me a while , years of suffering , asking myself why I couldn’t connect , why I couldn’t smile . I thought it was because of my screwed up up-bringing , it could’ve been , partially , but as the days pass by , there’s always one more reason added on to the other . Until i realized that maybe I wasn’t alone , but either way , that didn’t help . Until I learned to mask it . All of a sudden , I found myself with millions of “friends” , people whom I’ve used , and have used me . All playing the game of life . No pain , no gain . It opened up a world of possibility , all fake , but it made me realize something : this was the only way to live life . At some point , we all disconnect . We all live through glimpses of “the truth” , feel an undefined happiness for a moment or two , live this “lie” for a second , all to real , and then it faints , then it goes back to reality , that semi stage of deja-vu of what could’ve been fades , and you’re stuck back inside the game . Don’t feel too alone , we’re all in your shoes , here there everywhere . People looking for people to trust , people looking for another to confide in , to understand . People everywhere suffer , but they’re too fucking fake to admit it , and then there’s the more real ones that are probably more in tune with their suffering , and they wonder when it is that they can make a true connection with anyone . It’ll happen someday , perhaps a day of realization for us all , when we can leave our masks behind and truly be happy . But this world has become what we’ve made it , a destroyer of souls , as corny as it sounds , it couldn’t get truer . And that’s just as real as it gets .