I’m a 15 year old girl. I have faced so many problems that no one, young or old, girl or boy, should ever have to face. I have tried several times to kill myself, but every time, something’s gone wrong. Whether someone caught and stopped me, or I just couldn’t find the will, I’ve managed to fail. I’m a useless wreck and I want out.
My dad’s an angry, violent alcoholic. No matter what I accomplish, it’s not enough. He hates me. I’m a well-behaved straight-A student. He’s disappointed. I’m slightly under average weight. He calls me fat. He almost killed me once. I kind of wish he had. Oh, and my mom just stands behind him in all of this.
My friends? I don’t have any. It seems everyone hates me, and to this day, I don’t know why. This town is so judgemental. I guess you have to be pretty, thin, bitchy, dumb, rich, and slutty to be accepted. Well, I don’t plan on changing. Just leaving this life for good.
I have two sisters. Both hate me. Both are prettier, thinner, better, well liked. One is an amazing athlete. The other is a genius, and musically and artistically talented. They always make fun of me, and everything they say is true. I am going to die alone, I am a waste of skin, I should just go and kill myself. No one would miss me.
The only thing that’s kept me here as of yet is music. My favourite band is Billy Talent. I listen to them every time I’m feeling suicidal (this is pretty much daily now), and it calms me. Most of the time. But the need to kill myself is getting stronger and stronger, and I want nothing more than freedom. Not even my music can change this.
If you could help me out, what’s the best way to go? There are no easy-access high buildings around, and guns are illegal in Canada. Should I use a knife? Where should I stab; heart, throat, etc? Should I hang myself? Maybe jump in front of a train? I hear the survival rates of that are much lower than cars, so I think I’d go for that. If you have a suggestion that’s quick and painless, I’d appreciate it. I think my best option is to starve myself, so far.