I don’t feel like I belong. I never have.Â I can feel completely alone in a room FULL of people.Â Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong century.Â I have a decent job a wife and 3 kids that I love and adore.Â They’re the only reason that I keep trying.Â Maybe someday I will give up and just call it quits like my mother, father and step mother did.Â Some days I still have hope that my outlook on life will get better but those days are getting fewer and further between.
I can’t afford to see a counselor but I have spoke with doctors in the past and have tried medication.Â I feel like they think I’m making it up to get drugs but I’m not.Â I know others that medication did wonders for but for me it didn’t really do anything or just had a very limited effect.
I hate my job.Â There are so many things that I want to do but at my age with a wife and kids I don’t feel like I can start over right now.Â Spending 10 hours a day in a job that I hate really takes it’s toll.Â I really wish I had chosen a different career path when I was younger instead of trying to please my father and following his “wonderful” advice on life and finances.Â I feel like I should have stayed in the army and away from my family, mainly my father.
There are times when I just WANT to be alone.Â Being in social situations is exhausting.Â After a couple hours at a party or family function I can barely make my brain work.
Because of bad advice when I was young I never really figured out what I wanted to do “when I grew up”.Â I tried college after high school but I didn’t think I was ready for that yet so I joined the army.Â After 4 years of that I thought I would know what I wanted to do with my life but I didn’t.Â In order to make my father proud I convinced myself that I too wanted the degree I chose. It was fine for a few years but eventually it started to wear on me.Â Due to my fathers lousy financial advice I got myself into a position where I couldn’t afford to switch careers.Â I was finally able to get rid of that burden only to realize that I had to stay in this career to provide for my family and by the time my kids were grown it would be too late and I would have too little money to start something else.
That brings me here.Â I stumbled onto this site during a google search.Â Ha!Â At least I have somewhere to vent this…….frustration with life.Â I’m just biding my time until my kids are grown and I have taught them everything I can teach them.Â I’m in the process of setting up insurance policies to take care of my wife when I’m gone.Â When that’s all done I think it’ll be time to ‘check out’.