So i know I have a wonderful life. A family, job, people who care. I feel compleatly alone.
Some reason ujnknown to me, i have been staring at a little orange bottle mindlessly for over three hours, there are twenty one pills inside and i know it would end it. I want to. I could, its simple. i cant.
i dont even know why i want to. i feel like the world is caving in on me. like if i wasnt here everything for everyone else would be easier. i feel like a problem.
i’ve never said a single word to anyone about this, ever, but i have always felt like this.
I have been to a countless number of councelors because “im broken” according to those who ‘care’. i stopped because even they judged.
the bottle could solve this empty feeling, it really could.
i’m an idiot from writting this, it solves nothing.
5 comments
We all feel lost sometimes. I’ve felt exactly this feeling before, and I know how hard it is.
That’s probably really cliche sounding, but I dont care.
To me, it sounds like life for you is like a math problem.
X + Y= happiness
You can’t solve a math equation to find that solution, if only it were as simple as a math problem.
If you get X, and you get Y, then you will have happiness and that empty, lost feeling that is eating away at you will subside, right?
WRONG.
I’m not going to judge, or criticize, or anything. You can do whatever you think is best,and you will, because thats what you feel.
Well, you know what they say about math problems.
If you cant solve one, forget about it! 🙂
I also have this lost empty feeling but if I say it’ll most likely have a negative impact on you. if your trying to find happiness then the best i can say is… well… do what makes you happy (simple and stupid, I know)
top line “I also have this lost empty feeling but if i say [the reason] it’ll most likely…”
I always find myself drawn toward these kind of posts:
http://suicideproject.org/2010/04/anhedonia/
Because people may understand that if your life is bad then you will have depression. Not always the case.
Was it the counselors who judged or the ones who ‘care’?
Just because people care doesn’t meant they understand, even though they might think they do.
And I think that you writing this does not mean you are an idiot, but in fact are trying to express to people how you feel, because you say you feel alone. Misery loves company. Getting this off your chest may solve something.
I like what violet had to say (and because we have the same name 🙂 Just because someones life isnt going exactly as planned, doesnt mean that they’re going to become depressed and suicidal.
People always say that they care and that u shouldn’t do it, but that’s not what most people want to hear. They want to know that someone just understands whats going on with them and that theyre not really alone in any of this, even if it feels that way sometimes.
There will always be ppl who understand, you just have to find them. 🙂