I’m 17,I was on celexa afterawhile I was feeling better..I thought I was cured so I stopped taking it and I started doing things tht are unlike myself,I cheated on my boyfriend of three years I was and still am crazy in love but I honestly don’t know why I cheated,he evetually found out and broke up wig me he is now in another relationship and claims he is in love I asked for another chance to make things right but he said sorry and no,all of my “friends” deserted me I feel alone..I was so drowned my guilt I spend a month in a phyciatric ward for Severe case of self harm and suicidal thoughts.I spend my days in pajamas don’t bother making myself look “pretty” I began abusing perscription drugs,drinking heavily,and using cocaine,I feel so disgusting I just want to crawl out of my skin and I can’t I contemplate suicide from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep,God someone help me
All I can think to say is that you need something good in your life. Something from which to draw strength. What that something is totally depends on who you are, and what you feel would be good.
It should be something that provides you with positive experiences, something that entertains you and gives you pleasure. Probably an activity where you experience flow.
Can you think of something you are really good at, or something you really love doing? If you can, try doing it a whole lot!
You’re also welcome to write me at muspelhem(at)hotmail.com
You sound really nice, I wish you a world of good.
I know what it’s like to loose all your friends because of a mistake . -___- Something similar happened to me as well , my friend found out and became extremely bitter and started hating me , and soon enough most people started siding with her . It happened like a month ago , and I haven’t heard from her since , or hardly anyone else , except for a few friends (all guys) that I still managed to keep in contact with because they’re not so immaturely narrow-minded . I guess the reason why I made out with her ex at the time , who even confessed to me and would prove to her that he didn’t care for her (they only went out for like a month , or less) was because of my depression , my need to belong i guess , i wanted to feel “loved” through various sources , i needed the attention , the warmth . I didn’t do it because I wanted to hurt her , those were the least of my intentions . It simply just happened and I went with it , because I guess I do need affection … it’s so difficult to explain I guess , especially if you’ve never been there . I also drink a lot , which makes me feel better , I smoke my bud occasionally , and cigarettes nearly every day , smoking squares eases my depression a bit , I don’t know if it’s due to the nicotine or not . I’m currently on some medication called Sertraline , I can’t really tell if it’s working for me or not , I’ve been on it for like a month or so I think you start feeling effects after three months and full effects after six months . Prior to that I was using a medicine called lexapro (which fucked me up even more) and then a combination of Citalopram and Risperidone (which is used for schizophrenic thoughts , I guess I’m “schizo” too -___-) and that didn’t work , period . I guess they’ve been trying to drug me up for a year and a half already and nothing’s been working . Maybe I need comprehension , not prescriptions .
Anyway , I’m truly sorry to hear about your situations … -__- . I don’t know what to do to help you out , or what to say , really . The people around you seem to be judgmental and misunderstanding of you , I know it’s hard but , you really don’t need people like that . It’s not worth it to always try to get on their good side . Just , fuck them . You’re not disgusting . We all try substances to try and better our predicaments , there’s nothing wrong with trying to feel better , no matter your means of getting to those substances . We all make mistakes , sometimes chronically , but doesn’t mean that we’re not good people . I feel bad for what you’ve had to go through primarily alone .
My aim is jessins94 if you ever wanna talk (:
You should try going out for a full day of fresh air, try the mountains or a forest trail but stay away from electricity and other people so that it’s just you and your thoughts… it might help you to get rid of negative thoughts, or to just relax
I understand how you feel, your story is almost the exact same to my story. the only advice i can give you it to sober up. January 15th 2009 i was going to finish myself, however i can home to find that my grandfather had commit suicide while i was at school. since that day i have not taken a single pill or done any cocaine, i still have thoughts of suicide but i have learned to talk about them with people i trust who will not judge me or call me crazy but actually help me through it.
When it comes to losing friends i know its tough, but once you’re out of high school unfortunately your friends all separate and you find new ones. The lonely feeling is the worst to feel what i did when that happened to me was worked when i had nothing else to do, my last two years of high school i had two jobs and it helped with me feeling lonely.
The best advice i can give you is to write everything you’re thinking down. when your write things down they tend to weigh less on your shoulders.
This is more along the lines of my situation; unbearable and unfading guilt for a blatant fuckup, just one piece of my many reasons. I don’t know what to say, you fucked up and now you might get him back or you might not ever. Just a fact of the reality to it. I think that there is at least a 50% chance that your life could improve so it’s just a matter of can you endure the shame in the meanwhile. I’ll just say that I know that feeling of major guilt and shame, that feeling alone has killed many a person before I’m sure as they took their own life. But I think you should soldier it out and see what happens later in your life.