Justalvaro this is to you. I live in a very stressful enviroment. From 7 to 16 I was being beaten by my father and my best friends boyfriend would beat me if I did not do what he wanted. And at that same time I was cutting my arms every day to try and forget what was happening. What he wanted was for me to be a pet. I was used to give men and women pleasure for 9 years straight and I would be in a hospital almost all the time. My best friend at 13 who tried to protect me from it died in my arms. That same Christmas I found out 60 friends had committed suicide. But what people did not tell me was that they did it from April till Christmas. I think in my entire life I have lived through either 90 or 100+ suicides… I try not to think of it because it brings me to tears and wanting to die myself. Oh I forgot to say the same guy using me as a pet stabbed me in the middle of my chest when I was 12 years old. I still have the scar to this day and I am 20 years old now.
After I turned 16 I started dating this guy. After a few weeks of dating I found out he had just gotten out of jail and was just going to use me for sex. That day he raped me in the back seat of his mothers car at a park. After that happened my cutting got worse, I dropped all my emotions and I apparently planned to kill my family. I don’t remember planning it but my family told me I did. I am bisexual, a wiccan and an emotional wreck. As I go on day to day now that I am 20 I just feel like I need to die or something. I can’t really trust my friends or my family and I am losing my mind like I did when I was 16. I am a California girl born and raised but I think I should have been born some where in country instead of the city. The stress I am going through now is just so weird… My parents want to get a divorce, my dog who has kept me from killing my self for so long is dying and my lil sis is starting to fall into my old habits.
But the good thing that is going on in my life is I have two published poems, I am going to school and soon I will be able to drive wherever I want soon so I can soon drop a lot of stress.
<3 Angelena Branch