Nothing Helps

It all start when I was in 8th grade, I had lots of friends but I felt that they were all just my friend as pitty that I’m such a loser. Maybe I was just paranoid because there was a group of boys that I knew since kindergarden and lets just say this:They were total idiots. Middle school ended and I went to 9th grade, High school. One day in the summer my friend Mike was like ” Hey, Miss. Sad I want you to meet my friend Collin. So I said “Sure whats the worst that could happen?” Little did I know that the worst could happen by saying yes to that. So I met him and then two weeks later we started dating. I was so sad and I my head I was like ‘ Why I’m so depressed? I though by going out with this sweet, hot, kind guy I would become happy again. Whats wrong with me?’ We both though that we were ment to be together. Then school started and we were still together. One day after he went home Mike came over and told me something. He said ” Hey, umm.. look I need to tell you something.” I said ” what?” “Collin told me not to tell you but since your my friend I just had to.” “ok what?” “He told me that he was cheating on you with one of your friends..” “Witch one?” “Tammi..” For some reason when he told me that it didn’t hurt me, make me mad or pissed. I was fine with knowing that my boyfriend was cheating on me with a friend I knew since kindergarden. He left and thats when I lost control of my body. I went to my jewlery box were I kepted my pocket knive, took it out, opened it and cut a line down my leg. I sat there watching the drak red blood run down my leg. No I didn’t dump him the next day cause what was the point I was already depressed. We kept going out. Our first anniversry came and passed and we were still going out and I was still depressed for no reason. Then one day I decided, you know what I’m just going to dump him for cheating on me. I did on that friday. On monday I went to school, I was walking down the hall to were all my friends meet before school starts. I was walking and all of sudden I see something that for some reason does piss me off. I see Collin and Tammi’s hand pull apart right when I walk by them. It killed me inside that my supposed friend is dating my Ex-boyfriend and we only broke up two days ago. I don’t know why it mad me mad but it did. It just added to my depression more because they started rumores like ‘She still loves Collin’ ‘She wants to breake us up just to get him back’ ‘Collin dumped her, she didn’t dump him’ ‘She had sex with Collin’ and other crazy stuff like that. Some of my friends belived it all. But I 4 true best friends that didn’t belive the lies and stuck up for me and stayed my friends. But even though I still had them I was still depressed and nothing was going to change that. Everything kinda of got better because all 4 of them started to see that they are really idiots. I still don’t believe that I have a flipen’ reason to live on this earth. All the things that still suck in my life because of them two. I just want to die. They messed up my whole life. The only thing I did was date some stupid guy. I’m depressed sitting here with nothing to live for, Nothing helps me anymore. Nothing at all.