Nothing Really Matters

My parents decided to get a divorce today. Well, they’re not really my parents, it’s my stepdad and my mom.
I know I should feel some sort of remorse for him leaving my family, but I don’t, not for my sake anyway. I hate him. I have no reason too, and yet I feel like I do. He’s never hit me, or my mom, or my sister, but everytime he yells at us for the littlest things it feels like he does, it stings so much.
I used to not care, I thought I could take the vocal hurassment because he made my mother happy, but that all ended tonight when he did something beyond all forgiveness.
He was yelling at my sister for slapping my younger brother, and the truth is she didn’t slap him at all, which really pissed me off.
I could hear them going at it downstairs, it was mostly him screeching at my sister to get up off the floor even though hes the one who made her tremble enough to fall to it in the first place.
I knew I shouldn’t get involved, I never end up in a good position with him when I do, but it sounded really terrible downstairs, so I went to the top of my stairs and looked down at the scene.
He was shaking my sister by the arm, and then he picked her up by her arm and leg and he tossed her into the hallway, telling her to get up and go to her room.
“Hey, whats going on!” I yelled in an aggravated voice.
“No of your fu***** business!” he looked up with rage in his eyes that burning a whole right through me.
I went back into my room but the minute my mother came home i ran down the stairs in fright, telling her that she needed to speak with my sister.
Well my stepdad was already there and started screaming at me,telling me to never come down the stairs like that again.
I screeched at the top of my lungs, “You hurt my sister, you’re so evil!”
My mom made him stop before he could say anything else to me, but then he started ranting, telling the story of what happened, when he got to the part about me he said, “And then that little fucker comes down here and doesn’t mind her damn business”.
Well, that was nice, wasn’t it?
So, now they are getting a divorce, my mother finally saw through his fisade and now she is telling him that they’re done.
I’m glad he’s moving it, I’m really glad, so why do I feel like such a bad person?
A lot of their fighting has been my fault, I’m not a good enough child, even though my mother tells me I am, I know I’m not. I don’t do what I’m told right away, I don’t treat him with the respect he supposedly deserves, and a lot of their fights have been because I was not being a good child.
My siblings are going to hate me, our stepfather was the only dad they’ve ever known. Our real dad walked out on us when I was seven, so my sister was barely one and doesn’t really see him now, none of us do. They love him, especially my sister and half-brother, because that’s his real dad.
But I don’t, I hate him.
I don’t really think that matter though, nothing really matters.