hi, im back. i knew i wasn’t fine. i knew the next time something simple would happen (like a little argument with my family)i would break down. i ma at the moment. i literally would be cutting if it weren’t that im trying to type up my feelings before i actually do something that i know will kill me. i see no reason to stay alive. no one cares. dont try saying that you care because ive heard it and it doesnt help. even if i know you truly care. anyone has the ability to bring me down. i fel sick, emotionally sick. i dont need life. i rather bee free, in a beautiful place called heaven. i fear it. i fear that i am going to achieve suicide, its been too many times. and ive had it with my life. i love helping yall out. but no one can help me. im dead already, ive lost myself. i try to find myself, but i just cant. its all a fake smile and happiness. do i even know how happiness feels any longer? im alone i have no one that is trying to help me. i know people notice that i need help, but they do nothing. maybe because i am no one.im tired of hoping to get better. nothing helps. you dont know how much i really want to hang myself right now. im tired of all the bullshit. its killing me. i feel even worse. i hear of “SAE22” no more. i told her if she kills herself, she will kill me too. not hearing from her is killing me already even more. i have no more reason to live. i failed her. my words were not good enough for her. i could have saved her, but i feel i failed her instead. even if i know it was her choice. and i hope she is fine. hopefully she is still alive. how much i wish i had a hug. but instead i have loneliness with me.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
Hey, I feel the same way about Sae22 and Haunts All. I have no idea whats happening with them and it’s very upsetting, but don’t let that be the reason you killed yourself. Killing yourself out of impulse is not right, your head is real foggy right now It’s probably best if you wait at least a week. I know you said nothing will help but you also said your [tired] hoping to get better… you will if you truly want to, please remember that.
I am new here, sorry I do not know the person you talk about. But what I do know is that each person has freedom in some things like this. All we can do is just try to learn how to be strong ourselves and heal inside. And we can offer honest hugs and love when we are strong enough to do so. But if someone makes the choice to self terminate, the best thing we can do is to honor their life by fighting that much more for our own life. Sorry if I am saying the wrong thing here. But that is just how I try to think of it. If my SU attempt from this week would have worked, I would not want the ones who tried to help me to blame themselves at all. It was not my therapist fault or my best friend’s fault that I tried to end it. It was just pain from life. Now that you said what you did, I am very glad it did not work for me because I would never want those people who took time to care to feel like you do now. I am sorry that you have this pain and I hope your friend writes soon.