suicide has to be the only way and yet I’m to scared to move forward. Why?
I had an abortion almost a year ago. I don’t deserve to be alive afer that. I think about that baby everyday. How could I ruin the one perfect part of me? My child was perfect and I destroyed it. My depression has just grown worse from this.
My parents will always be around. Giving me what I want, but in return always pushing me to be the best. I’m expected to go to an ivy league school, play soccer or run track, and succeed. Go to law school, make tons of money, find an equally smart husband. Have beautiful smart kids.
I will never be able to do this though. My grades mediocre, and my interest in sports just keeps decreasing. I will never be my sister or my brother who have their lives all planned out for them.
And then there’s my ex the babys father. Who knows I go weeks without eating, cut myself and contemplate suicide often. And yet he abandoned me. We weren’t dating when he got me pregnant. We werent talking when I aborted the baby but after we made up and he promised me hed always be here. He told me if he could save five people from death I would be one of them. Three months later though he told me he couldn’t deal with me. His girlfriends sketched out that we talk and he doesn’t like my mood changes. He told me he didnt care and that when he said he could save five people from death thing he was “cracked out of my mind” and also I’m only doing all this “just to get him back.” . How could I ever want to be with someone like him! He doesn’t believe me but he’ll see.
Everyone will always be here to bring me down. The high I get from starving and cutting is lessening so I think its time to actually fly.
3 comments
You did what you have to do. You aren’t alone, and so many others do the same exact thing. Don’t kill yourself, please. I don’t even know what to say. I’m not really good at this publicly. Can you talk to me? Maybe message me or something…
hey, i understand how all the pressure is to feel like you have to e perfect, but i learned that suicide is not a solution. talk to your parents, tell them how they are making you feel. however, this is your life, your parents will not tell you what career to do, who to love and marry, or what to do in your life. you take control of it. if you want to be happy, be happy and don’t let ANYTHING bring you down. the guy i not worth. every time you catch yourself thinking about him stop yourself and do something else. there’s millions of stuff to do(: and maybe the baby was not meant to be here, not at this time when the world is getting worse and worse every day. he/she could’ve grown around violence, gangs, bad influence, who knows, maybe he/she would’ve had deep problems and had turned to suicide, its something you wouldn’t had like, so don’t do it to your parents, you can survive through this. do it for yourself, for your family, for the people in your life, do it for me because i care(:
Concentrate on yourself. It seems everyone around you is being really selfish. And while I think it is wrong to adapt/become the qualities that you detest, there is something to be said for hunkering down. You have an incredible opportunity. I wish I had someone backing me to go to school. You know how many people would give anything to be in your position? Be “a whore” about it. Use what is coming to you. Aristotle talked about drama and how drama is life. Kenneth Burke came along and said “life is drama”. Life is a stage. Smile at your parents, smile through your teeth, ride high on the hog for a while, burn the candle at both ends…you have much to live for, much playtime left.