I recently read this book called “Thirteen Reasons Why” by Jay Asher about a girl named Hannah who kills herself, but before she does she makes these tapes that explain why she killed herself, and who was involved in her making that decision, and then she sends the tapes to the people on themÂ and tells them if they don’t pass them on, then someone who has a copy of the tapes will release them to the public at school, ruining their lives.
It got me thinking: What are my reasons? If I were to kill myself, what would my reasons be behind it, and would anyone care to listen if I talked about it on some old tapes?
Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn’t, but nonetheless I have gone over everything in my head, and I think I have figured out MY thirteen reasons why.
Reason #1: Steven- We dated when I was in ninth grade and he was in eigth for over three months and even though it wasn’t very long, it still hurt when he moved away to Texas.
Reason #2: Kenny- Asked me out to Homecoming this year and then decided he didnt want a real relationship…couple of days later I caught him kissing my close friend.
Reason #3: Amanda-We were friends at the beginning of the year, inseperable in fact, until Amanda’s old make-out buddy decided to tell Amanda i told ppl they hooked up, which I didn’t. Amanda’s hated me ever since.
Reason #4: Matt-Matt, Amanda, and I were like the three musketeers but he sided with Amanda over me and even though we have begun talking again, it still stings when I think about the way they both treated me for all those months up until now, and how i thought they were my friends, but if they were they would’ve just trusted me and not a shit-load of rumors.
Reason #5: Addison-I hooked up with himÂ at aÂ party after me and kenny went to homecoming together and did nothing more then make out with him at a park afterward, but thought that we had something there. He decided he liked my friend Nicole instead, and I found out that they had had sex soon after Nicole dropped me off at home.
Reason #6: Patrick-Thought he was my friend but turned out to be a total douchebag who listens to what people say about me other then make his own opinions about whether or not he wants to be my friend. He thinksÂ I’m a “whiney, self-conceited *****”. (I just had to do that with his name, it’s just too priceless)
Reason #7: Holden -Decided to try and feel me up (which i did not agree too)Â when weÂ were sitting in his car after a first date. Told all the guys at the place where he does gymnastics that I “put out” and “if they’re looking for easy ***** they should give me a call”.
Reason # 8: Jared-dated him for a week but broke it off when he told me he didnt want to date a girl with “baggage”…My apparentÂ baggage is my little five year old brother who i have to babysit a lot, which leaves less time for a boyfriend.
Reason #9: Tommy -first kiss when I was twelve years old. Blabbed to his whole school that I let him touch my chest that night. The kiss wasn’t even worth it.
Reason #10: Ricki -I’ve known him since I was in fifth grade and yet he still insists on calling me a slut everytime I walk past him. I don’t even really remember the kid.
Reason #11: Drake -My best friend who desperately wants to understand whats wrong with me but I don’t want to let him in. He should not be on this list by a longshot but sometimes they say if u love someone u have to let them go.
Reason 12: Phoebe -My evil alter-ego who wishes everyone would just go die and leave her alone. She only comes out to play when I’m depressed, which is often, sadly.
And Reason #13: Everyone at my high school who says that I’m either a *****, slut, or liar. You don’t know me at all, so it makes no sense that you would all criticize me for something you do not know that I am. I am sorry your all so conformative.
So, there they are, my thirteen reasons for wanting to kill myself.
Actually, those aren’t the real reasons, not by a million miles, but sometimes it just feels better to be able to blame other people on our unhappiness, even when we know it is onlyÂ ourselves who makes us unhappy.