Well, i felt the need to tell you people about myself a little because ive only been posting my stories. so here it goes:
im a male. First found out i was suicidal at the age of 14. looked up more about it later on and found out i suffer from major depression and suicidal thoughts. ever since 14 its been a steady decline in my positive mo0d and happiness. i now am 16 and very depressed and extreamly suicidal. i know im going to commit suicide. there is no doubt about that. the only question is to either do it at 16 or 17. lately its been looking 16. i dont mind though. cause even if i lived to 18, i intend to join the army at which point i dont intend of making it out of. im not one of those ignorant, stupid teens who have no idea what im doing or talking about. im fully well aware of what im doingÂ and how suicide affects things. im not killing myself over some girl, or some car i cant get, or parents divorsing, or money problems, its cause i literally hate myself to the maximum degree. I hate myself. i know i do. i love guns. i have three of my own. an assault rifle, a sniper rifle, and a pistol. i also have a number of knives, flares, and small explosives. ive tried to commit suicide once already with my pistol. (another story) and i also used to pop pills but one of my closest friends helped me stop. i have a couple of “friends” but only two are very close friends. one of which i do love with all my heartÂ (shes a girl. same age. beautiful.) and the other is a girl also but we are just very close friends. for explaing purposes i will call the girl who i love girl L (for love) and girl C(for close). lets start with girl C. she and i first met about a year ago and found we are two of the same. we both suffer from depression and always try to help eachother before ourselves. she helped me stop popping pills and she also was the first person to see meÂ cryÂ sinceÂ 8 years. (another story for another time) she has helped me through alot and she is a very good friend but has a bad home and she cuts herself (in which i dont approve of) and so i worry for her and her saftey.Â Girl L is probably my closest friends but dosent know alot about me. she knows of my depression and sometime suicidal thoughs but i havent told her of my life of depression. she has been friends with me for about 5 years now and we are still close friends. she is person i could trust the most. she fortunatly does not suffer from depression and she is a pretty happy person. she is perfect over all and i am truely in love with her. ive known i loved her for about 2 1/2 years now and i love her more than anything else. i hope to always have her in my life no matter what for however long i live. she is truely smart and is completley beautiful. if anything bad would ever happen to herÂ i would probably shoot myself because i wouldnt know what to do without her. continuing on myself: i hate smoking, and ive seen people get completely addicted and throw their life away because of it. i dont mind drinking. i drink myself and it does help ease pain sometimes. o, and i also suffer from PTSD (also another story) and it has made my depression worse. i dont intend to live past age 22. i would be suprised if i live to 18. i was never afraid of death and have already accepted it. i wont hurt many, if anyone at all, if i commit suicide, soÂ i want to die by my guns. and even if i hurt someone with my death, they will except it and quickly get over it. my mind and my heart is split up into two. my mind is my smarts, my depression and suicidal thoughts and my heart is my love and caring but is weak and my mind will soon win. im sorry i wasted your guys time with my rambling but i thought at least some knowledge of me might of been interesting.