Just like you all I have experienced depression ,depression so bad that it drove me to almost killing myself and even praying death upon myself. Life seemed unfair to me, it was like everything I did failed ,it was as if God was against me ,I hated him for it and even went as far as cursing him multiple times without any fear of him whatsoever. I was constantly disappointed in the world and people ,because everything  seemed “fake” , superficial and cruel ,life just seemed like a popularity contest with winners and losers and I was losing(each and every time no matter what lol). I grew cold after many rejections from people ,broken relationships and people just trying to get over on me and what was scaring me about this,was the fact that this was not me at all ,I always was warm hearted  and used looked out for people with good intentions and cared to an extent but depression was changing me for the worse. Even to the point I was thinking of drastic actions of violence towards people who hurt me because I was tired of it all ,I was looking for love in all the wrong places and was very depressed and disappointed for it. It had to come to the point where I told God/Jesus that if I cannot have him I want to die ,because the world is full of disappointment , nothing good seems to last and its just full of suffering with people who love to hurt people to the point of the person wanting to die. I came to God/Jesus and coincidently I started getting attacked by demons in my sleep(Science calls it sleep paralysis but I know its a lie because they flee in the name of Jesus ,nothing else works). Now I have experienced these attacks before but they only happen when I go back to God after much rebellion ,During my old sin sprees these attacks are non existent for me but anyway even after going to God I was still depressed ,hurting and sinning like crazy but that was because I didn’t give him ALL OF ME and have faith in him(I had Idols in my life ,anything that you put in the spot that God is supposed to be in is a Idol). I tell the truth once I gave up my idols(only by the help of God) and prayed with sincerity that God come in my life and free me from the torture/depression and sin I was in with actual trust and belief in him 100% ,I was set free and I am without a doubt feeling 100x better than when I tried to “do my own thing” without him.
He is faithful even when we are not and really does want the best for each and every one of us even when things seem to fall apart while serving him ,its for a reason ,god will never allow something bad to happen in your life unless there is some good to come out of it  ,now we can bring bad things on ourselves by denying God and “doing  our own thing” but even then God works out the bad for Good just turn from disobedience and  just leave everything in your life to him. Just Sincerely give your ALL to God/Jesus and ask him to save you and believe I guarantee you God will not turn you down lol and I mean your ALL ,don’t give God 50% and 50% to your girlfriend/boyfriend or 95% to God  5% to your favorite sin of choice lol because he does not work like that ,give him 100% of your life and he will not reject the invitation thats if you truly want to be free of this. God gave his commandments for a reason ,not because he want to restrict our lives with a bunch of rules but because HE LOVES US ,I mean look at the world and think…….Do you think there would be all this pain, suffering and evil if we all followed God’s Commandments????I mean really think about it ,I guarantee you it will be a BIG NOOOOO ,God does not want any of us hurt thats why he put the commandments there but we still disobey and reap the consequences. We humans are not perfect but if we give God complete control and believe/trust in his power to heal and restore us I guarantee you the commandments you could not keep on your own will become lightweight lol because he is doing the work for us.  My God is not a God of torture with eternal LITERAL fire like the mainstream church like you to think ,My God is a God of love  righteousness and holiness ,I”m not saying that he won’t punish the wicked for their deeds on earth because it will happen but this punishment will pass and work as a restoration process to reconcile ALL unto him  through JESUS who came to save the WORLD not just a few but EVERYBODY whether in this life or the next he will save EVERYONE to show that GOD really is LOVE.
Im not a religious person ,Infact I don’t even go to church lol(not saying I wont go anytime in the future but at this time I don’t go)last time I been to church was a year ago for my grandpa funeral but honestly the fellowship may be good but God is all I need ,not people. For years I listened to the lies of the world and believed them but GOD GOT ME OUT not a psychologist ,or a Psychiatrist or therapist or even my family or friends just GOD/Jesus. There is more to life than just what we see ,”The truth is stranger than fiction”, run to God and he will run to you ,this world promises alot but the promises are empty. I don’t know everything and  don’t have much friends ,I’m just a broke college student lol but I’m content because as long as I have God I have everything and he will do the same for you as he has for me. I know alot of  people will brush this off and try to debate on the actual existence of God but I’m sure God will touch somebody through this ,its not about being religious but being in relationship with our creator and he will handle the rest as long as you surrender it to him.
2 comments
you seem young, there should be hope when you are young, for at that age you have many options i understood very well about your feelings and experience, i have often felt the same way, not so much in wanting to revenge others but the feelings of disapponmtment and hurt due to the cruelness of others, I used to be trusting but no more, I am glad you found peace and comfort … but forgiveness for all , I am not so sure about that , maybe that is what is holding me back, I just find it hard to believe that it’s okay to harm to others, say your sorry and all is forgiven
Hello ,thanks for replying ,but theres hope for you too and anyone no matter what your age is but yeah I’m not too young (I’m 21) but I can relate to being trusting of people but not anymore , Even God says not to put your trust in man but in him ,people have disappointed me too much to know that this is true. Do believe though its not ok to harm others on purpose and just say sorry(without genuine remorse or conviction) and all is forgiven. Everyone will reap what they sow period. I see it all the time now ,I seen people who talk down on someones situation end up in worse situations and the person they talked down on living in a better situation. I seen someone who cheated on their faithful wife end up getting cheated on and used by their new wife, these things come back full circle even when it seems like the person is living it up. God will make everything right though the great will become the least and the least will become the great. To add onto that God’s ways are not like ours ,he loves unconditionally no matter what we do we humans tend to not live up to that. God knows use more than we know ourselves. I used to wonder how people could be pushed to do evil things ,before actually giving my all to God I used to judge and look down but now going through alot of things I can understand how people can get to that point ,I think God understands this and shows love and mercy to a genuinely repentant person. All will truly repent and come to Christ in God’s timing. Give all your cares and hurt to the lord and he will without a doubt “not” disappoint you like people will ,I will pray for you.