I am almost 33 years old. Growing up I was always the “happy” one in the family. You see I was adopted at the age of 6, abandoned at the age of 2 1/2, grew up in foster care until a “suitable” family had been chosen for me and my two siblings. No one could possibly understand how I felt so I masked every little negative feeling. I didn’t want anyone else to feel sad like me so I played the happy part quite well. As a teenager my depression began so show but my mother told me to pray about it and it would go away. (not that praying isn’t a good thing) Needless to say it didn’t go away…you can’t pray a chemical imbalance away. I tried to live normally and was successful until I found out I was pregnant at the age of 17. The baby was born and I chose adoption since I knew that I wasn’t capable of taking care of my little girl. Again, life moved on and I lived “happily”. I gave birth at age 20 to a beautiful little girl and my husband and I lived quite happily for several years. I believe it was the happiest time of my life but it ended. My depresson worsened and I wouldn’t even leave the house; I got divorced. I was never a party girl but after the divorce something snapped and I began drinking heavily and eventually drank my way out of my daughter’s life. I haven’t seen her since she was 2 1/2…she is 12 1/2 now. At age 24 I met a man and we had our two precious boys. They are the most beautiful things in my life. When I am sad they hug me and when I am happy they laugh with me. Needless to say their father and I ended our relationship when the youngest was just 6 months old. He stole them when they were only 3 and 4. Canada won’t get your children back for you unless you have a court order (just so you know). I lost a year with my babies. Once they were recovered from Illinois, when their father was deported from Canada, I immediately rushed to pick them up. I have a man in my life that loves them as if they were his own. Its too bad he doesn’t love their mother like that. I struggle every day with my decisions and choices but I don’t have the strength to go; he has taken to hitting me every couple of months. He says its because I push him and push him until he can’t take anymore. Personally I think its because I am overweight and because I am so depressed sometimes that I can’t function. He says I have changed…I know I have changed. My children are with my sister temporarily so that I can get my life back on track but here I sit closer to the edge than ever before. I am screaming out into the darkness and no one can hear me. There is no one out there… I am the crazy one.
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Hey lostnscared. Thank you for sharing.
I’m sorry, your situation sounds horrible.
Go. Go without strength. Just go. You MUST have a life where people treat you like a human being. You must.
When you’ve done that and are free, that’s one step forwards.
You say you are crazy. Nothing wrong with being crazy.
I really hope you leave now. Of you two, the person who needs to sort out his life the most is the one being violent. You’re not the person to sort his life out at the moment. So run away.
Best wishes and hugs,
Daniel
Hello,
Daniel sounds like he knows exactly what he’s talking about!
One act of physical violence toward you is far too many. That it is repeated is obscene beyond words. It will not stop. I’ve experienced it with my father toward my mother and one of my brothers with his wife (now ex-wife). I’ve also been involved with it through an anti-violence project.
Google “abused women”. There are many resources available. Please, please contact one or many of them. You’ll find someone you’re comfortable with. At the very least contact a resource and speak with someone. Get things started. You will find hope!! You need to understand you are not to blame here. There is nothing you can do to deserve this treatment and you are already experiencing “battered woman syndrome”. That’s why you feel you’re the crazy one. If I had someone doing that to me, I’d feel crazy too, because it’s an absurd way to live. You’re thinking because you gained weight may be a reason for being hit! My gosh! If that’s the case, most all of Americans should be getting hit. You deserve LOVE & RESPECT!!
You sound very loving and with your experiences in life (WOW!) you have so much to offer others!! This poison can be turned into medicine. With the life you’ve had, you’ve received an education that money cannot buy. You are still young and should be looking to the future with joy and hope. But you have to take that first step. A step for you, your children and for the countless people you could assist in the future. But first, YOU. You deserve it.
Even though I have some experience with this type of situation, I am certainly no professional or anything close. But these people will have insight to things you or I have never thought of. It’s what they do, day and night. Please, please take the first step!!! There is much hope!!! This has become a very common thing and people are equipped and waiting to assist you to get on the course for a beautiful life! I hope you will continue to reach out to this website if you need to. We all seem to share allot of common ground.
These may just sound like words to you, but you are in my prayers and in my heart.
Sincerely,
John