The children would not stop arguing,My husband was always arguing with them as well as well as him gambling all our money.so much so that it wasn’t until 3 days before Xmas that i could go out and buy presents and food even then Xmasdinner was a chicken. My mother was finding it hard to care for my grandmother who has dementia so i was dealing with that to.I also had my first rib removed because of a tumor and have a permanent implant to help with the pain.I had no one to talk to.On boxing day the whole family got together, everyone said i looked ill and asked what was wrong. I knew sometime was wrong but i could not explain what as i didn’t know myself.
On the day after boxing day my husband started to argue over the kids again. I could not cope with it anymore,suddenly i felt every relaxed it was like watching myself from a distance and nothing was real.I took 56 tablets from one packet and 24 out of another then gave the empty packets to my husband and then went to bed.my husband had then gone back down to the bookies,when he got back i was collapsed on the floor,he rang for an ambulance and then my parents.I don’t remember anything now from when the ambulance collected me. i was every close to being dead,having a heart attack or a stroke.the drugs i had taken didn’t just affect my body but mind also.my family were there and i hated that they saw me like that.i was in A&E the taken to high independenceunit the heart monitor kept bleeping and the alarm kept going off but i was not scared.after a few days i was aloud back home but had to agree to see someone from the metal health team and my local doctor.within days i meet someone from the SOS team. A man came around every week to talk and listen.He made me realise that it was not my fault and the fact that i was poorly the day before suggested that i was having a breakdown.when i talked with him he made me understand that to get my life back in control i had to take control.I gave my husband a choice it was me or the gambling.If the kids are getting to much i get up and take a walk i have even taking up singing again which is something i have not done in 25 years.it also makes me feel more confident in myself and i have made new friends.I still get low days and good days but every day i remind myself that i am a survivor..Thankyou to the team from SOS
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Every day is still a battle and telling myself every morning that im a survivors reminds me that i can.
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