For well over a year i’ve been trying to kill myself. and ive concluded i either suck horribly at suicide, or im not spossed to die.
It started when my baby died. I got one of my friends pregnant, and she knew i wanted a kid really badly, and she lied to me about even being pregnant, and got an abortion on top of it all… she didnt even have the guts to tell me.. her best friend told me and gave me proof…
Then i gave up everything for someone.. spent seven months with a girl, and was 200% dedicated, i gave up more then i thought i could for her. then she dumped me andsaid its cause she thought it woulod make me happy…(wtf right??) and then i trusted her when she promised she wouldent fuck this guy who she was hanging out with, and she of coarse did it anyways… And the guy sucked in bed apparently so she regrets it, and wants me back like nothing ever happened…
i was her first and it ment the world to me… i was never the first for anything before, and i felt great… now its nothing, and wont ever be anything again, i still love her to death but that kind of betrayal cannot be fixxed.
im too fucked up for her to want me for real anyways, im too fucked up for anybody…
These are the two biggest reasons ive tried aside from the aforementioned ex raped me after she dumped me, like seriously handcuffed me down and raped me… :[
I’ve jumped off bridges headfirst, ran into moving cars in traffic, overdosed, pounded sheet metal in me and ripped it out… this is only a few examples…
but ive tried soo hard to fucking die, and its never happened…
so i quit trying, i must be here for something…
and if im not then i guess im just destined to suffer the rest of my life.
6 comments
I’m having that same problem too, not that i attempted suicide as extreme as you, try over dosing few times before, putting a knife to my
neck & wrist to cut deep in my flesh, being up on a bridge overpass to moving freight trains, thinking about jumping, problem is they got bridge
all fenced up for any potential suicides from happening, did think about
jumping off a parking garage 4th floor last summer, but i couldn’t do it even thought my heart was really hurting & i didn’t know how i was going to make it here, had i done it i probably would of just been hurt real bad as
the ground below is mostly dirt, few lose rocks & old lumber wood, only answer i really have is if some truck comes out of nowhere & runs me over, a drive by shooting happens & i’m walking in the middle of it, a
opportunity of saving someones life & let mine own end, pay someone to
beat me up & murder me, if i could die in my sleep that would work well with me too, wish there was something to live for then misery.
I don’t want to come across as flippant, but the most sure method I can think of for successful suicide is throwing yourself in front of a train.
You clearly are not afraid of pain, so that should not be a problem… so if you think suicide is still the best thing for you to do (and I will thoroughly support that judgement in anyone), then maybe this is the next thing to try? And then hopefully it won’t just be a ‘try’.
The likelihood of dying after stepping in front of a train is relatively high, compared to other methods. The speed, power and weight of the train should decimate your body. Evidently, I have not tried this, but with some amount of research, it seems to be the quickest and most successful way (aside from shooting yourself, but this poses problems in terms of aquiring the equipment and success etc).
Let me know if this helps your thought process.
@Anna.
It is charming the comments and concern you have for the persons who are desperate. You are doing a great job in encouraging them to kill themselves. Your help is greatly appreciated in assistance to suicide, which is a federal crime.
As an example, there was a guy here, just about 4 days ago, Lost_va or something like that is his nick, he was begging for euthanasia, asking by all means how to kill himself. Well, me and another person did our best to help him in a positive way, we gave him advices to protect himself. He has just written back saying he is feeling much better and is little by little getting out of his despair situation. I am very proud of that guy.
Nobody of you! should encourage people to kill themselves! If you dont have anything nice to say, dont bloody say anything!. You can show your real care, you can show that you have been able to understand him / her or you can try your very best but dont push to desperation someone who is already desperate!
@oracle.
Who are you to tell people what they can and can’t write? Not all of us who come to this site are looking to be talked out of our choice to kill ourselves. This guy you helped save, what did you tell him. “Time heals all wounds”? “I know how you feel”? Guess what, every single one of us here has heard this shit all before, and most of us are just sick of it.
Lending help and encouragement has it’s place. If somebody comes here, confused about the way they feel and looking for help, then by all-means it’s our job to cheer them up, talk to them and help them understand what they’re going through.
But then there are people, like Beawr or Anna, or even myself, that have already made up their minds. We don’t come here to be talked out of our choices, we come here seeking others like us to talk and plan with. We never aksed for anybody’s help, but that doesn’t stop selfserving pissants like you from going around and shitting rainbows everywere, telling us that we need to keep moving forward.
For the most part, I tolerate it because this is a free speach site. But you my friend, have the nerve to try and tell someone that their response wasn’t good enough? Who the hell put you the authority to make such a call? I’ve seen people like you, the only reason you try helping people is to add some sort of meaning to your own pathetic existance. Sure, you can throw up some charade about how all you care about is the wellness of others, but the truth is you do it for yourself, the thought that you might have made a difference in someone else’s life is one of the only things to keep you going, it’s one of the only reason you have to get out of bed in the morning.
It’s about time that people like you find some sort of meaning in your lives, because I’m sick of hearing the same cold, thoughtless phrases regurgitated in every response. If you feel you can genuinly lend aid to somebody who wants it, than by all means lend a helping hand! But it’s not your job to lurk on these forums day in and day out trying to rescue everyone and their brother who is feeling bad or sad or mad.
‘If you dont have anything nice to say, dont bloody say anything!.’
The original poster wasn’t looking to be saved… and it isn’t my business to try and save him. I believe that if people want to commit suicide, then by all means they should be given help, but ultimately the choice is theirs. Because ‘help’ can only go so far if the need to commit suicide is intrinsic to the way that you think. And this is neither a pro or anti suicide site; it is a place for people who believe in either ending it all, or finding some other way out by living and we should be there- not to judge them- but to read their story and try and assist how ever we can. And Matt has pretty much covered the rest for me.
Oracle, the way you view suicide in a ‘negative’ light is very interesting… especially the way you point out that it is illegal. The same way that black people voting in America was illegal? Socities change. I also think that today you’ll find that if someone finds a suicide attempt, they are more likely to call an ambulance than the police, compared to attitudes, for example, in Victorian society.
If you can start seeing Death as the brother of Sleep then you’re going to be closer to actually understanding some poster’s requirements of this website. Some people do come here for cheering up… others, the opposite. And I think that we should answer all of their questions as best we can because that way we help them without telling them that ‘it will get better’, or some other bollocks, that they have heard a thousand times before.
Nonetheless, your opinions don’t matter all that much to me because we get people like you who pass through always commenting, ‘Don’t worry, everything will be fine’ when there’s every chance that it won’t be. Try and listen to people’s needs rather than shoving your own ideas about life down their throats.
I been recently hearing more suicides by trains, last month
a man here got caught embezzling millions of dollars from the
commuter company he worked for, so he stood on the track & let a
train hit him head on, heard a lady who was in debt, lost her job & husband also stopped on the tracks & let a fast moving train hit her
& take her life, a young boy only 12, i believe jump in front of a moving
train, cause his parents was going thru a bad divorce & he was very depress on top of it, the moving train theory has crossed my mind
several times already, if i do it i would have to be drugged up & drunk
as hell, know there’s no turning back once i’m on the track with a train
heading towards me, , , boom!!!