I have been struggling with depression for the past the years. It all started when my Grandpa died because he was the closest thing to a father I have ever had. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore it’s so hard just to wake up in the morning. I haven’t really ever told my family how I feel because we just aren’t as close as most families. I have been like an empty shell for 2 years and I fear I’m about to crack. I always put on a fake smile and act like everything is fine when it really isn’t. I would talk to my friends if only I didn’t push them out of my life so much. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore and it is becoming unbearable. I hate feeling this way, but it is so second nature that it is the only thing I really feel anymore. Maybe I could just end it all I have tried before maybe I should try again. I just don’t know anymore….
10 comments
Hey 🙂
I know exactly what you feel. Unfortunately. It’s like hell. If you want to talk to someone, talk to me. Or someone else here.
But don’t kill yourself. It’s not worth it, think about everything you’ll miss, even the little things. I know, acctually they don’t matter at this point. But try it. Sometimes it helps me. I read my favorite book over and over again when I’m depressed. And – believe me – this happens often. Ugh, I sound so melodramatic! ^_^
Anna
I want to thank you for taking the time to listen to my troubles. It helps knowing that there are people out there that can relate to what I’m dealing with it makes me feel not so alone.
I forget one thing: Sorry, for my bad englisch. *g*
What happend with your “real” father? I mean, you don’t have to tell me. But maybe this will make you feel better.
I understand if you don’t want to write in the public.
How are you feeling now? Do you still want it?
My real dad left before I was born because he didn’t want another kid and my mom wouldn’t get an abortion. I still am depressed, but not quite so suicidal just very mixed emotions.
That’s very relieving. ( But tell me if I bug too much, this can happen very fast )
He didn’t deserve you, acctually. He had the chance to meet you and he didn’t do it? I can tell, by this few comments, you seem to be a really nice person. It’d be easy to say ‘just ignore him’ or ‘forget him’ but I know you can’t.
Well, you dont talk about your mother, but you seem to skip something remarkable in her. Something extraordinary nowadays. She was dumped by your father, and she carried on alone for the love of a child, facing all the difficulties in life as a single parent. Even if you say that you are not close to your family (it would be interesting to know what is going on there because your mother does seem to have credentials). Do you appreciate that in her ?
You talk that you have tried to do away with yourself before. It seems that you have not tried to get any help, and I think you should, aside from the moral support of this site. You dont have to endure things on your own. Losses of dear relatives are painful but people recover at least to the extent of being able to function again. Two years is a normal time too. I know many cases of that, but after they improved and got married, children etc.
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@Anna_3 no it’s fine you don’t bug me at all and although I hate to admit it I can’t forget my dad’s existance even though I wish I could as for my mom I know she really does care, but I just can’t find it in me to talk to her about it this is the first time I have ever really talked about any of my feelings to anyone. It’s hard for me to open up and trust anyone I think I can only do it now that I am hidden behind an alias.
That is so familiar to me! My other sister, which has meant very much to me, has left the famliy. And I don’t want to forget her. And then the feeling-stuff. I hate to talk about them with anyone. But to me it’s just embrassing.
I don’t know if you can handle that without your mom, because she’s your family and like you said, she love you.
If I were a mom and I were in this situation, I’d want to help you.
The Internet is a start. Maybe in a few weeks or days you can talk to someone in real life.
Me again (:
Unfortunately I have to go now. But here’s my E-mail anna._3@live.de .
You can send me messages anytime!
Anna
thank you