First: I am hopelessly alone. Second: because of this I think about killing myself almost constantly. Third: so I am trying enjoy what I can (which is very little) just so I can stay content enough not to kill myself. Something specific: I have a very strong attraction to my step-sister, more specifically, her feet (but not just her feet). What I want is to be able to take good pictures of her feet, with her consent, and I don’t want anybody to know about it except for me and her. The problems with this are: She has a long time boyfriend, she is my step-sister, it might blow up in my face and she’ll freak out and people (like my family) will find out, I’m not so sure she even likes me, and like I said I’m really afraid to ask because she might think I’m a freak or a creep and she might tell people about it. If I had money, I would pay her $10,000 to agree, that’s how bad I want it to happen. I don’t have anything to offer really. I thought about just being her slave for awhile and doing whatever she wants but I doubt she’ll go for that because one, I’d have to be a secret slave and two, she might think that offer is just too weird. I should also say, we are not children, we are in our twenties and we have to live in the same house for the moment. I want this so bad, its driving me crazy. When I see her feet I either get really excited because of how damn cute they are or really depressed because I know I can’t touch them or take any pictures of them. I’ve also thought: since I am most likely going to kill myself anyway, why don’t I just ask her? I mean, If she says yes then that’s really really awesome and it will help me survive a little longer, and if she says no and people and my family find out I’ll have the push I need to end my misery sooner. So I just don’t know what to do. I doubt anyone can help, but I’m putting this up anyway. Please, don’t tell me that I shouldn’t ask her or shouldn’t kill myself because “there is someone for everyone” and I should just wait for that someone. That is pure bullshit, there is no one out there for me, so don’t waste your time typing anything like that, it does not help.