I think I’m here hoping that venting out some of my feelings might help me make it through. Maybe make me feel better. I won’t say happy just better.
I’m 37 years old and I’m a screw up. I’m finally the end of  horrible 10 year marriage, with a mentally ill person.
In the past few weeks I’ve seem to have lost just about everything. Â The worst being the most perfect person I’ve ever met. She made me feel happy and content in ways I can’t explain, and I thought it was the same for her. Our only problem was distance. And in truth me, I screwed up I didn’t do all the things I needed too do and my life started to fall apart. And it scared her she lost faith in me. And I understand she was worried about waiting around for me when I wouldn’t be able to ever see her that much. So she met up with an old friend. And in a matter of hours I went from someone she loved so much and meant the world too, to just some guy.
The worst thing is I can’t talk to anyone about this. First off when I say she was the one, most will tell me to just get over it and I’ll find someone else. Thing is she was perfect she still is, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make this up to her and make her happy. But now she’s with someone new that makes her just as happy.
I’m sure I can met someone else, and I’ll be kind of happy but I’ll never be as happy as I was with her. I’m not just saying this. My happiness was noticeable to my friends when I was with her. They pointed out how they never saw me like that with anyone before.
Everything about her was to me perfect, she was everything I ever wanted in a friend and a lover. And really I thought it was the same for her. At least that’s what she told me. But she went off with another guy so fast I’m just not sure what to believe.
I know I’m rambling sorry.
For awhile now I’ve been under the impression I’m just not meant to be happy. That something will always happen to make me miserable. Then I met her and I thought I was wrong and maybe I could have happiness. But she’s off with someone else only giving me her pity now instead of the love she used to give me. I don’t know.
I’m not sure why I’m bothering anymore. The main reason I haven’t killed myself is fear. As much as I want to die, I’m scared too. But more and more that fear is going away. Of course because of her I can’t kill myself cause suicide has touched her life in a very bad way. So if I did and she found out it might destroy her. Then again it might not, she might not even care.
Sorry if you’re reading this, it’s my first post and there is a lot on my mind.
I guess my problem is, what’s the point of living when you can’t even make the one you love the most happy? She’s everything to me and in the end I’m almost nothing to her.
I”m going to stop here. Next time I post I’ll put something better.
4 comments
Hi
Of course, I dont know her but if we pick your words:
1) she met up with an old friend. And in a matter of hours I went from someone she loved so much and meant the world too, to just some guy.
2) she was perfect she still is
Really ? Is that the definition of perfect ? She replaces you in a matter of hours.
The problem is your emotional idealization. Your profile is well described in the literature (I used to be one of them). That relationship was fully unbalanced. You had an emotional dependency on her, in fact you were “too” happy with her, much more than she was with you but that will happen again with whatever relationship you start, unless she is worse off emotionanally than you, in which case, she will be too happy with you.
So now:
Ok, you are going to have the blues for a while, days or weeks. Just let it be while you try to do other things. Yes, I know every single thing and word you want to reply to me. Do as I tell you. Carry on with life in business as usual, even if you cry while you walk. Do not stick at home listening to sad songs, and do not idealise what was actually an ill-starred romance. In the meantime let the repair internal processes do their job and when you feel better after a month or so, start developing your curiosity for another chick, but dont make the same mistake.
You are a fine good man, and need to get a better woman than her. Believe me, it is there!
I know that not being with the love of your life must be very painful but stop and consider that there are lots of people on this planet who will never know what it’s like to be in love, my friend. My whole life has been one of severe panic attacks and phobias. I have never had a relationship, and probably never will. What’s worse I am handsome and muscular and women give me the eye all the time. They give me their number and ask me out. They don’t know that I go home and die a little more inside every time it happens. Still, somehow I manage to make some kind of life without someone to lean on. Look around you at all the happy people who finally found their “one true love” and then look again at the divorce rate. Notice the dullness in the eyes of all the married people you see who started out so madly in love. See how these things ultimately play out and try to be more realistic. Love may be an incredible human fantasy but unless you both are really amazing and committed your chances of a happy ending are dubious. Why pretend that unless you’re deeply, madly in love we should all just go kill ourselves? There are real reasons to kill yourself, but pining over one pretty girl who found someone else in a matter of moments isn’t one. You are fantasizing a perfect relationship that doesn’t exist. How soon you forget the horror of your last marriage. There are people in the world who could use your love and compassion right now today. They are all around you. Children who need a father figure, young boys who need a mentor, old people who need a friend who cares. Neighbors who need a kind word and a warm smile. Killing yourself over a failed romance is a storybook ending. You are not Romeo and she is not Juliet. You can deal with a broken heart, it’s something most everyone has to endure and the process will make your heart bigger and stronger. Stop pretending she is the only one in the whole world who could make you happy. Somewhere out there is another woman just waiting to meet you, and when she sees the love you have for her in your eyes she will melt in your arms. In the meantime, you have a whole world of people who need you. Don’t be so quick to admit defeat, keep your eye on the prize. She is counting on you.
i know how you feel. Love hurts, especially when you find someone you think is the one but then you are not there one. But in that you have to accept that you loved them, you may always love them but if they really were the one then you would have been there one too. It is honestly my belief that if people are meant to be in your life then they will, this is not to give you false hope but it is something to think about. People also come into your life for a reason. In a way accept the memories you had of them and chalk it all up to life experience. We all experience love and loss at sometime, even when we think the love was perfect. Sometimes things look better when they are gone but in truth it may be better that they are gone. You may not want someone else now or even later but if you should happen to meet that someone i’m sure you will appreciate them so much more and show them all the love you can and in return you will get the same hopefully. Don’t give up just yet, everything comes in time, you just have to make your time worth while in the mean time. Find something that you love to do and do it. Live like you have no other day and when you find love again, as i’m sure you will, love every moment of it.
@ Dust Devil.
Hats off to your comment posted. Very very very good. One of the best I have seen around. I cannot believe that having all those values plus the look you say you have, something is getting on the way of meeting women. Particularly I found absolutely leaping out of the truth box the words, (copy and paste)…/ “There are people in the world who could use your love and compassion right now today. They are all around you. Children who need a father figure, young boys who need a mentor, old people who need a friend who cares. Neighbors who need a kind word and a warm smile” /
Those words should be permanently on the website.
As per the divorce rate. That is another good point mentioned. No values almost anywhere and in almost nobody. Yet, guess what? The masonic rulers financing a war against people who still have values. You have to be “tolerant” well. Phuck their tolerance. It turns out that the “Intolerants” have lovely, simple families, as it should be.
Man, I wish you can feel well very soon because definitively you deserve a very good woman.
thanks