This life isn’t mine is it? I feel so unaccomplished, and unloved. I am tired of doing for everyone else. Always being the hand someone needs but never getting anything in return. I have felt this way so many times throughout my 28 years of life.
This episodes trigger…Â
Recently my husband of 7 years and i were reunited after a 17 month seperation due to issues not in our control. I thought things would be great. I had done so much in the time we were apart. I worked hard to help support him, to make sure everything with the govenrnment was done right and on time. I took care of my home and myself for the first time ever. What do i get in return? He informs me that he “loves me but is no longer in love with me.”
I feel sick. Like nothing ever positive is ever going to come in my life. Like i deserve nothing, and so on. I know im throwing a damn pitty party right now and a lot of people are just thinking ‘suck it up’ but listen i wouldn’t be writing this and trying to get my darkest thought of ending my life out of my head if I didn’t need to be heard.
I’ve thought many of times what my perfect suicide would be. The letter i would write to my family, and right now i can’t seem to get it out of my head….
I’m just tired.
8 comments
‘Always being the hand someone needs but never getting anything in return’
i always feel this. the things you do for others but never getting anything back from anyone. and they never even recognize the things you’ve done for them. and still, they expect more and more from you. it’s not just sad but makes me angry, and when you want a favor or just any kind of little thing, they turn their backs on you.
you’d expect something in return from life, but there’s nothing. i tried to belive that there are consequences to your actions, good things you do will result in good things in your life, but all i see is that whenever i make a mistake, i always pay the highest price, but no good thing ever comes my way.
i’m tired too.
I am a damn good person you know. Im not just saying that because i think it, but because i’ve always been told that. So why do i attract some of themeanest people who just use me? Am i trying to save the world instead of saving myself? I wonder sometimes if i enjoy the pain and lonliness, since it’s what i’ve felt my whole life, and i mean since i was very young i’ve been emotionally and socially alone. If anyone ever wants to chat. I am here just message me and i will send my msn. Thanks again. This bull shit needs to come out!
well the comment goes for the two of you, since it is about the same.
It is just my 2 cents, not a doctrine, but my humble opinion:
I believe the key in there lies in who you choose.
Who you choose depends very much on how you are emotionally made and your scale of values.
For example, if you are craving to be loved, like for example being in solitude and dying to have a girlfriend or boyfriend experience, then chances are that you will end up being used up by someone who found cool having someone as devoted as you two.
So, he lets himself be loved, while you fancy about the dream being realised, until the other party decides that he has had enough.
Then, one is dumped.
So, we little creatures (me too, alright, well in the past yes, not any more), rush for love experiences because many of us are “broken” due to the crashes of daily lives. Consequently we look in all directions for someone from whom to obtain what we need, and then we talk about “I am in love”. Clearly that is 5000 miles away from being love, but a patch to a problem.
Actually it is a very unfair thing for the person who suffers because the end result will be that she or he will suffer more for the wrong decision taken at a time of a crisis. But life, naturally has no understanding of what is fair or right or wrong.
The ones who are well stable, cool, cute and can get all the boyfriends and girlfriends they want, turn out to have even great loving experiences, because they decided not out of need, but out of matching.
In any case, fully understanding the deep sadness of the situation, because I have been number 1 in there, the point is now to endure the rain a bit and wait until the Sun shines again. I know useless to say that now because not in the mood, but 28 years is a very young person, with lots ahead in life.
So, dearly please, see if you two can start feeling a bit better little by little, there is a lot of possible good ahead. There are great people like you two, true matches with whom experiences are just great.
regards
O
well i my case it’s – heh. i always thought that i have the best friends in the world, you know, they care about me, always asking how am i doing (it’s my problem that i dont share things with them, not really a problem but a choice), going to have a beer all the time, really, and stuff like that just happens. it’s not always the big things that annoys me, but all the small things that adds up to something bigger and that just pisses me off.
and how to tell them, when they are my friends and i’m lucky to have them, and i dont wanna hurt their feelings.
and in my experience 28 years is a lot, even though i’m ‘only’ 27 (:
you’re just trying to do the right thing. or at least what your heart tells you to do. and that’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with that. it’s just that people are what they are… here’s my msn if you wanna: blur55@hotmail.com
you’re just trying to do the right thing. or at least what your heart tells you to do. and that’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with that. it’s just that people are what they are…
yes, people are what they are, I like that. I have to remember that , it seems human nature is often mostly dark, I will be bettr off keeping that in mind
@vela7982.
Hi
I think it is because precisely of that, because you are a good person, probably too good a person. I am sure you are familiar with a fact of reality that because the world is divided among different characters and values, those who dont have it or who are very selfish, (believe me, I have met selfish people to a professional level), exploit the “too good persons”.
There is quite a lot of literature written about it where it is studied that “selfish” characters fare better in this world. On the other hand, very devoted people can even get to starve themselves, (which in some cases could be acceptable, for example, to feed a son when there is just food for one), but even to the point of being taken advantage by the exploiters.
Now, I can imagine, that is impossible (and dont actually need to) to turn yourselves now into egoist persons. Instead, take more time to make sure you know who you are dealing with.
@this dyingsoul
Wonderful 27. You are now starting life. The “funny” thing about age is that nobody seems to be able to have a perspective, regardless of what age one has. The ones who are 13 and are sad feel that they have lived too much already, while we would pull out our hairs hearing that. The same with 27, etc.
About the little things that annoy you and they being good friends:
It is one of the two, it cannot be both at the same time. I give you an example to evaluate friendship.
You and another friend go to the Casino one night and while on the way agree that each of you will be alternating the bets and paying for them and that whoever wins will share 50% of it with the other person. So she pays the first time, then you pay next and so. Nobody wins so far, but all of a sudden, bingo! she had the right number combination and gets 5.000 dollars. Then you go, ehh well ehh, you know we agreed 50% even though you hit the prize number. Then she says that you two had not agreed on that.
She was to date a good friend, who hanged out for beers, and rang in the evening to learn how you were doing etc. But the real test had not come yet.
So, would sharing of the 50% be being too good a person ? would you pay 2.500 dollars (or even worse Pounds) for a friend ? The answer is, it depends. It depends on the quality of the friendship you truly have.
I only have two friends, and I would be considered by the majority of the bywalkers of the street as a looner and misanthrope (and I am), but I am fully sure my two buddies would have shared the 50%, because they have already done things of the sort.
In fact that was a real case that happened in England. The case even went to Court and to the newspapers. The judge said there was no proof of that agreement and she kept all the money.
Also the Romans in their “Roman law” (Diritto Romano) it is written that “presents are not asummed to be true unless proof of it”. So, some 2000 years ago, it seeems that they were not much different.
O