You would think that being different would work for you.I handle all my personal business like a good person. I mean you’ve seen or heard about that guy thats not a typical idiot, that wants only to be happy and someone to share it with. All he ever thinks about is doing for others in the hopes that others will be just as kind if not than more so. Of course your family will say they love you. BUT THATS WHAT THEY ALWAYS DO. It’s only natural for them to say I love you. But its a whole different story when someone from outside your sphere of influence (friends, family) tell you “I love you”. I think the more I try the further I push my self away from who I am. Like im looking at myself staring at me. Each of us contemplating who to react, always simulating what are the odds. I think the less I try the more I go unnoticed. Trying to blend in creates a sense of lonesomeness because I know on the inside that all is not alright.
Im afraid of the tendencies to wander, forgetfulness, and sometimes persistent aggravation. I feel secluded and I can only manage to temporarily keep myself content. I remember trying to hang myself because I thought my family hated me. But as I grew up I learned that my miserableness came from within. WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS, THE GIRL I COULD SEE MY LIFE WITH FROM NOW ON CHOSE TO KEEP ME AS A FRIEND. ITS A COLD THING TO SAY, I MEAN I PUT MY THOUGHTS OUT IN THE OPEN AND GOT SHOT DOWN. Kinda reminds me of that phrase, Killing me Softly. Except that I put a lot of hope into this one because she was so different. She isnt a model, a cheerleader, ms. popular. Just a really intelligent girl. This all keeps reminding me of all the times before, but the person that suffers the most is me. No matter how sorry they claim to be, or how hard I try to numb myself.
Just from reading this message over and over, im keep reminding myself why I get flashes to kill myself, to end the repeated cycle. I want it to end, hopefully I wont have to die to end it all/
3 comments
Hi
Of course you ll be alright. If we ve correctly understood you, it is about a girl who you liked and she said “just friends” (because really it took an effort to know what you were writing about until the very end).
As you know, “just friends” between a man and a woman is impossible. It is meant not to be naturally, otherwise mankind would have gone extinct long ago. Of course, if you two are in different countries, you will say that “I have a female friend there” but that is not what we have been talking about.
As per the “I love you in the family and I love you from outside” actually I believe intra family love is infinitively more beautiful (when it exists) because the bonds are intimate, unbreakable and nobody can replace them.
Love from outside is just a stranger you met, which often is replaced by someone else. So, appreciating love in the family should be priority for you, instead of regarding it as self-understood or meaningless.
Another thing, people have a tendency to look themselves down when someone does not correspond them with love. They believe that they are not good enough, worth of it or something like that. That is a completely false premise.
Many a times it turns out that the person who tells you “she doesnt love you” is because actually you are better than her and she is not up to you in terms of values, for example, and she feels unconfortable being with someone who she recognizes more honest than her. There are many women who like “jerks” and reject the good natured ones.
So, the point is about finding someone who is a match. Just that.
Sufferings in love and idealizations stem from the flawy parts of the personality of the “inamoratto”, but they should be banned. One has to value oneself enough to not suffer when someone does not appreciate him as what he is.
O
I can relate ,rejection can actually be good ,look at it from another angle…..maybe she was not as good as she seemed????this rejection can actually a blessing in disguise ,don’t place no female on a pedestal because it will just delude you from their flaws and open you up for major hurt.
wolverine11989 is right