I’m not considering suicide because of a dead family member, or friend, or because I suffer from depression, or because I’m dying, or because of anything of any importance.
I am only suicidal because of my appearance.
It’s a stupid, silly thing to become suicidal over… I agree with you. I never really had a tough life like you’ve probably had. I have many friends, my parents both love me, in fact the only living things that were close to me and died were my cat and dog. But it’s all because of my lack of trust in others, and my self esteem.
When I was younger, I honestly didn’t care about my appearance. I was a little chubby, I let my hair become greasy, I didn’t have many friends either and I did not care. I was happy. And then I grew into teenagehood. That’s when everything started happening.
You see all of these beautiful, wonderful people… And I think, “Why can’t I be like that?” or “Why can’t I look like that?” or “Why can’t that be my body?” or whatever. Why, why, why? I consider it unfair, and I’ve protested against “Life’s not fair,” for a long time, but I’ve had a realization that it actually is unfair.
Some people are born into poor families, others into rich.
Some people are born with disease, others are born healthy and “pure”.
Some people are born with an ugly appearance, others are born beautiful like nature.
And it’s not fair. It’s really, really not fair. None of these beautiful people even use their looks wisely. They’re all bitchy dumbasses that I want to punch in the face. They constantly brag about their appearance and how beautiful they are and how great they feel… That’s not how you use your looks. That’s how to lead people into a dark hole of jealousy, self hatred, and suicide. And it’s silly.
I don’t want to be suicidal over such a stupid reason. I really don’t. If I were to be suicidal at all and have a choice to why I was, I’d certainly choose something worse than this. I’m an embarrassment, and I’m sure you hate me because you’ve went through many, many more things than I have. And I respect you. And I’ve never met you, but I probably love you.
And I’ve spent all of my time worrying and obsessing over my appearance. If a strand of hair is out of place, I get pissed and rage in my room, yelling at my hair, throwing things over such a stupid, stupid reason. I hate myself for that, too. And I’m such a loose cannon.
And sure, people say I’m cute. Many people do. But I don’t trust them. This world is set on reputation, and social norms. “You’re ugly,” is definitely not considered a good social norm. People will lie just so they don’t hurt people’s feelings. Even I do that. And I’m a hypocrite for it.
I know you hate me for being suicidal for such a reason, and I’m really, really sorry. But I can’t help it and I don’t know why… I just want it to end.
4 comments
I wish I had a better reason to… wait that sounds horrible. I want to die to but your reason actually seems more (some word that I can’t think of) then mine: in short, I can’t be F’d with life and I’m a social outcast. I used to get really angry about my looks to, mainly my body fat, (I’m a male just to let you know) last year I lost a lot of weight by over exercising and under eating, and I’d get really pissed that I’d have to work for my looks when I had a friend as skinny as a stick who could eat junk all month and not put on a gram. I eventually came out of that and now I don’t care much about that stuff because after I lost 20kilograms the only reactions I really got where “well done”, “congrats” and crap like that. ALL that HARD WORK got me NOTHING I didn’t have before, cause I was still the same person and I hate socializing therefore whether I’m fat or skinny it doesn’t matter to me cause I don’t want a girlfriend or friends.
I hope this helps you: the only thing you get having the looks of the people you explained is a bunch of fake ass people swarming up to you to reap the benefits of your looks, they WILL use you for popularity, get into clubs, raise their own self esteem etc. Now when YOU meet someone they will be pure people who just want to be with you for you.
You must be a teenager and at this age all people, especially girls think just like you and this is sth normal. When you grow a little older you will see there are other factors which can catch men’s attention. wisdom and affection are much more imprortant than a beuatiful look. Personally I take a beautiful soul and a kind heart over beautiful looks and attractive bodies. Because all man can see a beautiful face but very few of them can discover a beautiful soul and if I can find one It’s less likely that others can steal her from me!
I too, would imagine you to be a teenager. You certainly don’t need to be embarrassed by your reason. The looks game is so significant in our culture as a whole, but so much more with teens.
The only reason I want to think about my teen years is to amaze myself on how I came out alive. I didn’t like my looks, personality, life, anything. I felt very awkward in social situations and came to be quite a loaner. Figured I was a weirdo. Eventually I got through that and realized we’re all weird. It’s OK. It’s what makes things interesting.
Anyway, the treasures of the heart are what is most important. They are what is real and can be lasting. As I get older, I find more and more that what draws people to others in a significant way has nothing to do with their looks. Many people who were “pretty” on the outside end-up focusing so much on that and try to hold onto it that they never seemed to recognize much of the life that was going on around them. Kind of missed out on a looking at life because they were so focused on their looks.
Also I believe that we individually will focus on our looks a hundred times more than anyone else that’s around. In other words, most everyone is thinking too much about how they look and what everyone else is thinking about them to really be concerned about other’s looks. One eye on the room and one eye on themselves. So, relax a little. Focus on your heart. That is what is most significant and what spreads into your environment.
Most everyone who gets into a relationship because of each other’s looks ends up miserable. That I’ve seen too often.
I like the 2 comments above and especially “tired’s” pure people who want to be with you for you. Pure comes from the heart.
I wish you the very best and hope you move past this with an appreciation for what is the real beauty in you. I didn’t recognize much of that when I was a teen but I sure hope you do.
All i can say is good looks & beauty isn’t everything, i guess i would
consider myself a attractive looking woman, (got a pic of me posted here in “Media”, but I don’t feel as fortunate in life as you may think as i live a
very depress & sad life, think about suicide 24/7, i’m not really a *****
or cold hearted person either, I really am a nice person at heart & like to
help others when i feel like i’m useful, I know so well i’m not perfect, i’m living a lie, as i always think about my regrets & mistakes i’ve made in life, I’ve been depress most my life, never found my happiness here & don’t think i ever will, it is too late for me as i already see it, i’ve been used & hurt so many times as i’m a very naive & weak minded person, i loss my friendship with my best friend, my sister & favorite niece doesn’t want anything to do with me no more, my dad picks on me makes me feel like i should kill myself already, so it wasn’t my beauty on the outside that pushed people out of my life, it was my depression & negative thoughts deep inside, i am not real i feel like a robot, i’m afriad to live & be happy, i prefer to be alone anyway then i can just fade away someday from this world & die in my dreams.