Through out my whole life I was that kid over there. No one ever seemed to like me so I was forced to create an entire personality and live a lie. The one thing the brought me joy was being praised for my intelligence. I even recieved 2 schoarships to my current private school. Well my family is kinda poor so that helped a lot and they bragged about it and I felt a little good. Now I am failing out and might have to leave the school. I’m just a dissapointment again.
Since I was little my only goal was to graduate highschool and then join the military. I wanted to get away from all the people I hate, including my family. I wanted freedom. Lately, I found out I probably have Schizophrenia and ADD. I’m pretty sure that’s why i’m failing, but im scared. I don’t want my mom to get mad at me. And if I do have these then I can never join the military. My life is pointless.
No one likes me. I don’t like this planet. Honestly since I can remember I wanted to die. I can’t do it myself though. I was hoping to be shot in Baghdad or something so at least people could remember me as a hero. I have lived my whole life hoping someone takes me hostage or robs a bank or something so that I could try and stop them and then die. I don’t know why I live anymore my life is pointless. Everyone hates me. If I can’t die one way or another by someone else than maybe on my 21st birthday i’ll OD.
I’m scared though. What if death is like this too. I wish there was nothing after. I just want my being to cease.