So, I am a 16 years old female who lives in California, and I just got released from juvenile hall on March 24. I was sober for 2 months thanks to juvie, home supervision, and the fact I had to pee in a cup. One day, I got super drunk at the beach with a few friends. I have self esteem issues, and it was really affecting me that day. I was in a good mood, but I thought this girl was prettier than me and I started to feel disgusting. My mood changed violently. All of a sudden I was screaming at people because they wouldn’t let me drown myself.
This was my first attempt.
Over the next few days, I sunk into a deep depression. What I thought was my best friend in the world said she, “couldn’t handle my bullshit anymore” and that I am, “out of control”. I hardly remember trying to kill myself, but whatever really happened was not grounds for breaking a friendship. I don’t see what makes her think that when a friend is suicidal, you should be a total ***** to her. That makes sense…
After she said she couldn’t handle me, I felt like I couldn’t handle myself. I was at school, and I walked out, went to the store, stole pain relievers that had a sleeping aid in it and swallowed the whole bottle. I overdosed on 50 extra-strength pills, then waited at a graveyard to die.
Dieing hurts. I kept having muscle spasms and my stomach hurt so bad.
I guess I didn’t look so hot, because, some ***** sees me, comes up to me, and starts praying on me. I’m already out of it at this point and I tell her I need to throw up. She thinks its because I’m emotional because she just “saved” me. That’s bullshit. Nobody can save me. I am way past salvation.
She called my mom on my phone who took me home. I threw up all the pills. Im alive.
hooray.
I still wish I were dead.
The moral of the story kids, don’t OD. It hurts like hell.
5 comments
WOW! That is quite the epic tale of attempted overdose! Most people aren’t like you, I, and the people on this site. They don’t get our disgust for life and that we wish every night that we will never wake up in the morning. That’s real shitty about your friend too, not very supportive at all in fact. Make some more posts on here people on these posts aren’t petty and will support you. I’ve had a lot of help when I been on the edge with my depression and addiction problems from just reading posts not even responding.
Also, honestly, overdosing is a very effective and painless way out. The only problem is you will have to find either OxyContin or heroin. A massive heroin injection by an opiate non-tolerant person would result in a bliss like rush heroin high followed by the person just dropping out of consciousness. After that your repertory system fails and you die all within a matter of five to ten minutes. A similar effect could be achieved by snorting bunch of OxyContin if heroin is not available to you are you are uncomfortable with i.v. drug use. Just a thought…
@_SAYS.
1. You can be charged for assisting to suicide by having written that.
2. It is evil to write that to a person who is feeling vulnerable. You must leave this site.
Now to the female from California.
You say you wish you were dead. Well, I am very happy you are alive. It pretty much sounds you have been born again and that you have learned a lot. Now, it is time to reflect and rebuild your “policy” for the future, what you dont want to do, and what style of life you would like to have and lead, which is healthy and does you good.
It would be ideal if you could find some mentor, better a female, because shit, guys always end up having an affair with the girls they started just wanting to help and that messes things up, so it has to be a female, in her 40s or more. But a good one.
Your current companies and friends dont sound very good to me.
Oracle
I agree trying to overdose hurts like hell, I took a whole bottle of prescription pills, along with oxycontin….and and other chemicals in my system. I woke up in a coma. I could hear every word the nurses were saying “I don’t feel sorry for her she did it to herself, I have no sympathy for her.” And they were making fun of my breasts and I’m also a cutter, and I pick at my skin and pull out my hair, they were discussing how disgusting my body was…how could I be a stripper? I couldn’t wake up and see the women who were saying these things. They assumed I had accidentally overdosed on coke, cause I had coke in my system, also. When I finally did wake up, the other doctors were kinda rude to me. Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? You’re heart stopped, you stopped breathing. They were saying. I just told them it was an accident, cause I didn’t want to stay in the hospital, and when they figured out I had no insurance, the dr came bk and told me I could leave. But before he wanted to keep me there for maybe 3 wks. I couldn’t talk normal for a while, my speech was slow and impaired, they thought I might have had a heart attack. I just wanted to get away from my pedophile father and physically and mentally abusive boyfriend. My grandma told me not to do this again cause it hurt her legs to have to walk so far, my mama was upset that we had left an elderly dog at home all day, who was ailing also. Well, my dog died a few days later right in front of me, and mama’s gone, too. My plan didn’t work then, that was 2006. I have nobody now. And I’ve still got suicidal tendencies more than ever. It’s too much to go into, but I really have no reason for being. I have nothing, nobody. I always think I’m gonna die on the 23rd, tomorrow’s the 23rd. God, I need help. I don’t know what to do. Oh god help me. Somebody please tell me it’ll get better. I’ve shared some of tragedies on this site. If anybody has read them. I don’t wan to go to hell. But I don’t want to be in this hell either. I wish I could fall in love again.
@_SAYS: Thanks for the advice, but my dad is addicted to opiates, and idk if I could handle using the same shit that turned him into the piece of shit he is now to kill myself.
@oracle: I’ve been seeing a psychologist since these incidents and it’s not helping.
@Tika: I wish I could fall in love again, too. The reason I got locked up and the main reason why I’m so depressed lately is thanks to a boy. I never believed in love until I met Gecko. Nobody has ever made me feel the way he did. When we made eye contact, I blushed. He was the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. I was arrested and sent away for 2 weeks. For 2 weeks I thought about him. I sung our song. I cried. I love him. I said it. I fucking love him. He doesn’t love me back, though, because when I was in juvie, he didn’t wait for me. I got out and he was the first person I wanted to see. Too bad he had met somebody else…
To: Dolli Darko, My love is in prison for crushing my face, he gets out late next yr. I didn’t press charges, my drunk sister did, but she doesn’t give a shit about me… we don’t even talk anymore. I’m waiting for him, I hope he’ll have me.