I don’t even have to ask why it feels like bitterness is my best friend. To know the answer, all I have to do is reminisce about the past and the things that I have gone through. My time on Earth has taught me above all things that life is unfair. I feel useless and pathetic admitting such a things, but it’s the truth, as hard as it is to swallow. I have a fuck of a time choking the reality of it down. Most of the time it gets caught in my throat on the way down, not making it to my stomach where it should be digested.
Maybe this is just me taking out my depressing through the use of words. Maybe this is me actually hitting rock bottom with no hope of regaining the happiness that I have lost. Or maybe this is me just being real. Because the only way to see the reality of things is to be stripped of all happy emotions. They are clouds of deceit circling around each of our heads, distorting our perceptions of the world we live in, the lives we live. When we are happy, we can ignore the problems that arise around us. But when we are depressed or scared, it’s easier to see the world for the ugly monster that it is. For most of us feeling lonely and depressed or angry and hateful, we see that ugly monster every time we look into the mirror. I do everyday. I avoid looking into my own eyes because I hate seeing the pain, the fury, the frustration, the fear, the guilt, and the loneliness. What they say is true. Ones eyes really are portals to their souls. I advise you not to look into my eyes long, for you will see my blackened soul. My personal damaged goods.
1 comment
You’re a very good writer. Great insight, but…
There is allot of beauty in the world, it’s just hard to see when the ugly seems to be consuming our life. We all have damaged goods. Please don’t let that aspect of your character consume you. Don’t let the evil in the world defeat the good. You and I both need to recognize the beauty, enjoy it, share it.
Too often we are waiting for some real big thing to happen that makes everything good in our life. But I believe we need to realize the ‘real big thing’ in our life can be happening moment to moment. A small piece at a time. If we just throw our hands up and say everything really is shit, then everything really is shit. If that’s how we perceive things, then it’s fact to us.
We really all need to nurture the love in the world. It is here, but we need to nurture it within ourself. To make that a prime focus of our life will create incredible benefit within our life and the world. Sounds corny but I believe this with all of my heart.
That you can recognize so much ugliness in the world shows that you have much beauty and love in you. Nurture it, share it. Then watch the beauty that will manifest. You have a right to love yourself. In reading your letter, I very much believe you deserve it. No person can see so much evil, without possessing so much that is good and beautiful.
Experiment with seeing how much beauty and love you can see each day. Build on that.