Thanks to whoever put up this website. Â This is a great idea. Â Much more helpful to let people going through a hard time talk things out themselves than just give them the generic advice of “don’t do it.”
I’m going through a rough time. Â The last 6 months, really, have been rough. I’ve thought about committing suicide several times. Â It would be very easy for me – I live in a high rise and have a balcony that I could jump off of onto cement. Â Ok yeah sure people say that even with a high fall you might not die, you may just be paralyzed or have some sort of mental damage… at least in any case I wouldn’t have to deal with my life anymore. Â The only thing that has held me back a few times is thinking about how horrible it would be for my husband if I did that.
I am sort of afraid that one night I am going to lose it and I really am going to jump. Â The sane part of me doesn’t want to, because actually I’m afraid of dying, and also because of my husband. Â But the part of me that is frustrated and fed up with just about everything about me and my life wants to jump, very badly.
I have sought help. Â I’m seeing a therapist. Â I can’t say that it hasn’t helped me, because it has in some ways. Â But I feel like whatever progress I make, I still eventually backslide and get back to this point where I’m thinking that I can’t stand myself, and I don’t want to be here anymore.
My job is killing me. Â I work from 8 am to 6 pm every day. Â When I get home I am dead tired. Â Nobody listens to me at work even when I have good suggestions. Â I feel most of the time that nobody cares what I am working on, and what I’m working on is busywork. Â Most of all, I’m not passionate or even that interested in my job. Â I switched from an old job for this very reason. Â So I feel like, if I switched again, the same thing would probably happen at a new job.
I do not have a single friend, other than my husband. Â Sure, I haveÂ acquaintances, but I don’t have anybody Â who I could share a funny story with, or just go see a movie. Â This hurts me a lot. Â I just can’t seem to find anybody that I connect with. Â I just wish there were someone out there who I could talk to, and could maybe help me feel better about things.
I don’t feel very interested in anything. Â We recently went on a great vacation to a warm locale, and we got there and the whole trip was really disappointing to me. Â I thought, finally I’ll be away from work and have fun. Â But instead, I got into a huge fight with my husband, and the whole time I felt like I still wasn’t any happier than when we were at home. Â Plus we spent a lot of money and it was difficult to get there, so I felt guilty that I wasn’t having more fun.
I am the living example of “money can’t buy you happiness.” Â For my age, I have a lot of money, lots of relative success, and look at how well I’m doing – I’m on the brink of jumping off my apartment’s balcony, at age 28.
Thanks for listening and giving me the opportunity to post this story. Â I would appreciate if you are a religious person if you could keep me and other people like me in your prayers.