Thanks to whoever put up this website. Â This is a great idea. Â Much more helpful to let people going through a hard time talk things out themselves than just give them the generic advice of “don’t do it.”
I’m going through a rough time. Â The last 6 months, really, have been rough. I’ve thought about committing suicide several times. Â It would be very easy for me – I live in a high rise and have a balcony that I could jump off of onto cement. Â Ok yeah sure people say that even with a high fall you might not die, you may just be paralyzed or have some sort of mental damage… at least in any case I wouldn’t have to deal with my life anymore. Â The only thing that has held me back a few times is thinking about how horrible it would be for my husband if I did that.
I am sort of afraid that one night I am going to lose it and I really am going to jump. Â The sane part of me doesn’t want to, because actually I’m afraid of dying, and also because of my husband. Â But the part of me that is frustrated and fed up with just about everything about me and my life wants to jump, very badly.
I have sought help. Â I’m seeing a therapist. Â I can’t say that it hasn’t helped me, because it has in some ways. Â But I feel like whatever progress I make, I still eventually backslide and get back to this point where I’m thinking that I can’t stand myself, and I don’t want to be here anymore.
My job is killing me. Â I work from 8 am to 6 pm every day. Â When I get home I am dead tired. Â Nobody listens to me at work even when I have good suggestions. Â I feel most of the time that nobody cares what I am working on, and what I’m working on is busywork. Â Most of all, I’m not passionate or even that interested in my job. Â I switched from an old job for this very reason. Â So I feel like, if I switched again, the same thing would probably happen at a new job.
I do not have a single friend, other than my husband.  Sure, I have acquaintances, but I don’t have anybody  who I could share a funny story with, or just go see a movie.  This hurts me a lot.  I just can’t seem to find anybody that I connect with.  I just wish there were someone out there who I could talk to, and could maybe help me feel better about things.
I don’t feel very interested in anything. Â We recently went on a great vacation to a warm locale, and we got there and the whole trip was really disappointing to me. Â I thought, finally I’ll be away from work and have fun. Â But instead, I got into a huge fight with my husband, and the whole time I felt like I still wasn’t any happier than when we were at home. Â Plus we spent a lot of money and it was difficult to get there, so I felt guilty that I wasn’t having more fun.
I am the living example of “money can’t buy you happiness.” Â For my age, I have a lot of money, lots of relative success, and look at how well I’m doing – I’m on the brink of jumping off my apartment’s balcony, at age 28.
Thanks for listening and giving me the opportunity to post this story. Â I would appreciate if you are a religious person if you could keep me and other people like me in your prayers.
3 comments
Hello, I am 28 too…..Wooops…wait, I forgot I turned 29 this year. Darn it. Anyways, just wanted you to know that I read your post.
I have been thinking the same things about not having any real friends and wishing I did. I haven’t totally found any yet, but recently I made a commitment to myself to actively search out friends. Are you interested in anything like reading, art, running, church, etc? I’ve found that this is the best place to start….find someone that is interested in something similar to you and Make the Plunge! It’s hard to ask someone that you don’t know to hang out, but YOU can do it!
I did it once about 7 years ago and randomly asked this girl that I knew like to snowboard (and so do I) if she would wanna go on a random road trip with me. She said yes, and we’ve basically been good friends ever since.
I will pray for you. If I could ask, what is your first name? I like to pray for people by name.
Thanks,
Susie
Hey I’m 29 and your post resonated with me. I’m not financially wealthy, but have been told over and over what an amazing person I am, very good looking, highly intelligent, creative, etc. But inside I feel bankrupt. None of that matters
Anyways, I feel how you feel and I’ve tried to kill myself before (pills) and have been considering a more lethal method.
But truth is, I don’t want to die. I just want to be content. So I am doing my best to smile at people, think about how I can help others. You never know if anyone you meet or know can be in your same position, and you doing something kind could change their outlook on life and give them hope.
The only solution I have come up with is to act as if everyone I meet could use a smile or kind act and it is hard to do.
Hope you are doing better.
J
How are you doing? Haven’t heard back from you?