i have been depressed for years…since i was 11 and started middle school. god knows, it started with ‘voices’. that’s the lie i’ve told everyone and to this day it haunts me how i can look someone straight in the face and tell a dark and deep lie.
many attempts were made…all included pills of some kind. it didn’t matter which ones…advil, aleeve, tylenol, parents prescription pills, solodyn, sleeping pills, anything.
but now…after years of attempts, about 2 months ago i was admitted into the psych ward emergency room at new york presbyterian hospital and i stayed there for 4 days (it was a cell…literally a three walled cement cell with a glass wall so that everyone could see what u were doing. then from there i was taken in an ambulance to white plains new york presbyterian hospital where i stayed for 3 days. then from there i took another ambulance to four winds hospital and stayed for two and a half weeks. then i came home for 2 weeks…until i was RE-ADMITTED back into four winds because i was unstable. and so i went back for 2 weeks and now…i have to go to a bunch more evaluations and therapy twice a week and family therapy once a week and psychiatrist appointments twice a week and im on 600 mg of different kinds of meds…but im not going back to school for a few weeks.
recently i have been forced into going to tons of useless appointments…all of which i don’t want to attend. my parents want me to get better and i don’t. it doesn’t matter what i say or do they just keep pushing me…and look where i am now, suicidal, depressed, bipolar and anxious about life.
now i have to go to a school/partial for months…im inches away from hanging myself…or slitting my wrists altogether.
3 comments
I don’t know what to say, but just wanted to let you know that I read everything.
Like Anna, I also really can’t figure out much to say. But, if it helps, you’re parents are probably doing this because they think they are doing you a favor, by not wanting you to kill yourself. Many parents think that their child really doesn’t think that they want to die, and that they are ‘saving them’ by making them attend all kinds of appointments. Sometimes they just don’t understand that they are really pushing their child away.
They don’t understand what you need, or what you want.
I think that you should probably tell them this… anonymously, if you don’t think they will listen to you. Send them a link to this page via a false email.
If you really want to kill yourself, it sounds like your going to have to be sneaky about it. Get “better” and then end it all once they trust you enough to leave you alone.
Whatever your choice… good luck, and I hope you can find happiness somewhere–whether in life or death.
You’re parents are doing this because they love you and they are desperate. They don’t know what to do, or where to turn. They only want to see you happy again and they are scared.
I know. My son was diagnosed as bi-polar last year after a sucide attempt and we did the same thing. The only difference is, hes an adult, so we don’t have any rights as parents.
And because of it all, I am struggling through my own nigthmare of a life. I would gladly give it up to save him from his personal hell. I feel like its my fault somehow. And now I feel helpless.
Good luck. I will be thinking about you.