i have been depressed for years…since i was 11 and started middle school. god knows, it started with ‘voices’. that’s the lie i’ve told everyone and to this day it haunts me how i can look someone straight in the face and tell a dark and deep lie.
many attempts were made…all included pills of some kind. it didn’t matter which ones…advil, aleeve, tylenol, parents prescription pills, solodyn, sleeping pills, anything.
but now…after years of attempts, about 2 months ago i was admitted into the psych ward emergency room at new york presbyterian hospital and i stayed there for 4 days (it was a cell…literally a three walled cement cell with a glass wall so that everyone could see what u were doing. then from there i was taken in an ambulance to white plains new york presbyterian hospital where i stayed for 3 days. then from there i took another ambulance to four winds hospital and stayed for two and a half weeks. then i came home for 2 weeks…until i was RE-ADMITTED back into four winds because i was unstable. and so i went back for 2 weeks and now…i have to go to a bunch more evaluations and therapy twice a week and family therapy once a week and psychiatrist appointments twice a week and im on 600 mg of different kinds of meds…but im not going back to school for a few weeks.
recently i have been forced into going to tons of useless appointments…all of which i don’t want to attend. my parents want me to get better and i don’t. it doesn’t matter what i say or do they just keep pushing me…and look where i am now, suicidal, depressed, bipolar and anxious about life.
now i have to go to a school/partial for months…im inches away from hanging myself…or slitting my wrists altogether.