 Â
Most 13 and 14 year olds would be asleep by now, or at least sneaking around having fun. But not me. I’m awake, and dancing with the devil.
I know staying up all night gain won’t make the bags under my eyes any better than dreaming. Trying is pointless anyway, it will always end the same.
My dreams are never actual dreams, only inescapable nightmares. Just another form of torture God decided that I deserved. The big problem with the dreams, is that they are actually my worst memories made even more gory and traumatizing by my overactive imgination. These dreams are the elite of frightening so sickening that I can’t even face the idea of them, let alone tell my therapist.
I’ve started to really miss those nights when I didn’t dream at all. When I slept in blackness. When I couldn’t even tell that I was asleep because all I felt was peace and all I saw was a soothing darkness.Â
But that hasn’t happened since my love(a person and the emotion) died. Now, everytime I drift off into sleep, that mental hotter film starts up again and doesn’t stop until I’m drenched in sweat and biting back tears.
But that’s the least of my problems. I still have the rest of the day to deal with. Â Â Â
4 comments
Ah, the simplicity of blackness. You go to bed, and then you wake up in the morning, refreshed without any previous thoughts. However, those and dreams come rare and short for some. Just the other night I had a shocking wakeup call about my love through what you could call an unpleasant enactment. Sure, it’s not as bad as dancing with the devil, but its still unpleasant all the same.
I honestly hope for your return to happier night hours, however that may come for you. Trauma takes its slow time getting out the door, and all we can really do is bear it, and enjoy the times we don’t have to face it head-on. Hopefully though, we can comfort ourselves knowing that we have someone waiting when we wake up in the end, willing to listen to our thoughts with care.
The only people k really have are on this site. I posted one of my dreams before, called Suicide an Murderers I think. I only posted the end part of the dream because it was so long. But when I wake up, I just feel alone and scared. Through by dreams I’ve been shot multiple times, beaten repeatedly, whipped, ect. And each time I wake up. The pain from the Dream is still there. A few times I even ended up hurting myself in m sleep. Just recently I had anoter “dream” and when I woke up I found that I had scratched myself til I bled. I dont think this will end. It’s been too long.
I have dreams where I experience emotion like I’ve already felt them in real life… one of the oddest dreams is where I felt in love with a girl and my heart started beating really fast when I looked at her, but I’ve never had a girlfriend.
Actually the oddest dream I’ve had is where I died in my sleep but didn’t wake up right away like you’d expect instead I was stuck in the room where I died and when I looked out the windows it was blinding white and I felt like I was the last person on earth and that there was nothing outside the room, it was very confusing when I woke up.
sorry I don’t really know what to say about your post… what are usually your last thoughts before you fall asleep? Cause I think that our last thoughts somehow influences our dreams.
I don’t remember my last thoughts or drifting off. Its as if one moment I’m here an the next moment I’m
in the middle of a nightmare, fighting for enough are to scream or even breathe. One of my worst nightmares Involves love. It’s when the love of my life comes back to me but it’s too late I’m already bleeding out but I’m still happy he was there. It made me fight harder to live. WanT to continue. I can see the pain in his eyes and on his face. Then as my vision starts fading he turns his back on me and crumpled to the ground. Looking like he did the last day I saw him. Then he disapears an I’m alone. The dream goes on with a few other parts I don’t want to talk about yet. If you wondering about who this guy is. Look t my old post called ‘cancer ridden friends’.
Tonight I had the dream where I was shot repeatedly. This time the gun person was an ol camp friend who once turned against me after I trusted her.