so tired

May 6th, 2010by wall-flower

I’m just tired of being tired. I don’t particularly want to die, I just want the heaviness to be gone and the feelings of rejection to stop and the slow tears to end. I always end up back here- alone, useless, desperate. I try to reach out to people when I feel like this, but I can sense that they don’t want to be around me. It’s always when I feel like this that I’m alone with noone to be with, noone who cares. Or maybe it’s the other way around…
Anyhow, I’m just tired and tired of being tired. I feel as though I’m wearing a suit of chainmail armour that weighs down my limbs, like I’m moving through molasses, like I’m dragging weights when I move. I’m too tired to do anything today. I don’t think I can fake it and go out into the world, so I have to stay home, alone and feel this way- feeling like I’m going crazy, and always exhausted. Being alone always makes it worse, but being in public seems like too much work.

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