The Monster Within

I’m quite aware of the fact that I’m more then one person, somewhere inside of me there is someone else, or something else controlling me.

I call this the monster.

It has always been there, threatening to gnaw my stomach to shreds whenever I would feed it, making me feel like less and less of a person, every day i thought I was just going to fade into oblivion, never to even have existed in the first place.

When I was a child I used to play be afraid that that a monster was going to come out from under my bed and snatch me. Too bad I didn’t know that this monster already had me clutched tight in his grasp, waiting for the perfect time to destroy me like I knew it would.

Sometimes the monster tells you to do bad things, and you feel like you need to do them because if you don’t, then you will feel all by yourself, because this creature is all you’ve ever had.

I’m used to it now, I have ceased trying to fight the best off tooth and nail, there’s no point, it’s not going to go away, it’s not going to just stop controlling me because I want it too, it doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes I feel like if I killed myself I’d be doing the world a favor, ridding it of another deadly thing could destroy people, loved people.

I wonder somtimes if I can trick the monster into thinking it is still dark outside, so it will think that I need to aleep all day, no time to commit any harmful acts against myself.

I sighed, I couldn’t trick the voice, it is an evil version of me, exactly like me in every way possible, except for that the real me is…..I don’t  know. I don’t know wha the real me is like, I haven’t been alone in my own body long enough to find her.

I crash to the floor of my broom, cradled next to the bed, the voice was coming back already, and giving way to the monster within.