there’s a possibility that all i had is all i gon’ get.

Sounds like you got it pretty rough over there. Of course I don’t know but maybe you should get yourself far away from all those evil souls. Give yourself a chance to meet some cool new peeps and make some new friendships. Later, if you still feel like checking out you’ll still have that option. If by “using” you mean drugs, then maybe you just need some help getting off the stuff. Drugs always make you feel like sh*t. They always mess up your head, your body, your life. I gave them up years ago and never looked back. I moved away from all my a-hole f*cked up “friends” and created a whole new life. New friends to laugh with, new lovers to hang with who treat me right. It can make a big difference in the way you feel about living, and dieing… why not give it a try and see? You can always kill yourself later, if you still want to. Meantime, why not go online or look thru the phonebook and find yourself an agency to help you get clean and relocate. There are places for abused people to go. Maybe call a church, they always love to help. Log onto finalexit.org and talk to some people who are terminally ill and facing no future, it can give you a little perspective on your own suffering. Go to miserypit.com and talk to people there who are sucidally depressed, maybe you can connect with one of them. Give it another week or two and then decide. I’m sending you one great big hug! Good luck!!