Those people…

What’s their problem?
What do they know?
It might not seem like a big deal to them,
but maybe it’s because they don’t know the full story
and haven’t been through anything close to as heart breaking as it.
Some kid comes up to me and says “When someone gets bad grades they cut themselfs or for any stupid pointless reason” I felt so agrivated and sorry. I was agrivated because of him, and I felt sorry because his girlfriend was a straight up cutter like me. I wanted to bash his face in so much, but since I can’t risk gettig suspended I didn’t. He’s extreamly lucky. I hate people like him the most. The ones that fail to see the real reason behind our depression the ones that never listen to the end of the story and say “It’s not worth it” I hate kids like him the most. I’ve already have a list of people that want to bash his face in already. Too bad all of those people are the same as me. I hate it when they say “It’s not a good enough reason to kill him/herself over” even some of my friends say that. Even my mom says that. I wrote a book for health class about suicide prevention, and wrote about my feelings and what I think people should do and what they shouldn’t do, and how hard it can really be. Some people read it and it turned some heads, but others (like the lame kid) thought it was stupid. I really want to just rather hurt them instead of myself now. Maybe that’ll work. But they are right about one thing hurting myself might not be worth it. It just makes my problems harder. Hidding my scarrs, running away from my friends, creating reasons for my family to fight with me more than they do now. I’d just rather beat some kid up now a days. But sometimes I really miss that feeling and the red liquid driping down my wrist, but I don’t want any more problems than I do now. I think I’ll just help my friends instead of crying over myself. And maybe tell one of my “friends” to stop begging for attention. I hate people that act like they have problems more than those that don’t believe it. Don’t get me wrong I use to believe her, but more and more I just started seeing her as an attention grabber. Everytime I wanted to vent she would just scream “you think you got it bad I have it ten times worse” she always tried to tell me how much worse she has it. When in reality she doesn’t… I’ve heard her stories, I was trying to be a good friend, but after some time I noticed that it was all an act. It was a replay at first it was a good one but after some time you could see all the peices missing and pausses you could see it so very clearly. Why can’t people back off? It’s not like we choose to be suicidal, or to lose our reason for living. Stop trying to grabb the attention and telling us how stupid we are. It just makes things harder.
I wish I could wonder what’s going to happen everyday. Instead of wonder if I’m going to make it through another day. People have it worse and I feel for them I wish I could help everyone in the world, and tell all those actors and people that don’t get it to back off. But that’s a step too high for me now.