Tired….

May 21st, 2010by erased_orion

I’ve been a member of this site for a while now, and really…I haven’t been on this page for about 5 months because I thought everything was going to be fine. Someone helped me stop cutting, I was doing okay at school. And then today, my stupid dad just…

My parents want me to stop going to school because we just can’t afford it right now…heh. It’s nothing new, I’m pretty sure tons of students are facing the same thing. It’s just that…I was going to be a junior in high school. I was so excited for everything, prom and thinking about college. And now, just 3 weeks before school opens, I can’t go. I can’t even talk to anyone about it right now because I’m home alone and there’s no one to call, to hug, to talk to…

I know it’s a stupid reason to be upset, because there are lots of people who have it worse. I just never thought that it would actually come to this point because up until today, my dad was assuring me that I could still go. I hate it. I feel so stupid for wasting so much time working so fucking hard to make money and to keep my grades up at the same time (my brother failed out of school last year, so the pressure to get even higher grades was just…sigh.) and it still wasnt enough. I’m really embarrased to talk to my friends about it because they’re all well-off and to be surrounded by people who have what you want is just so fucking TIRING. Feeling all these stupid emotions at once…lonliness, anger, stress, envy…I’m sick of it! I want to feel numb. I want to just sleep and never wake up, to fall off a building or drown and just end everything once and for all. Besides, that gives my family one less mouth to feed, I’m sure they wont mind. I’m tired of this crap!

I’m sorry for wasting your time…I just needed to vent…

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