Yeah, I have a heart, I can still feel it beating.
But it’s not there anymore to me.
It’s been ripped out and torn to pieces so many times I’m tired of picking up the pieces and taping them back together.
I’ve become deathly shy, even talking makes me uncomfortable. Kind of funny I suppose, two have my teachers have mentioned ‘It’s always the quiet ones’ at least once.
I’m too much of a wimp to kill myself, but everyday, I beg for an accident, or some kind of mistake. That started last year or so. I was riding the school bus, and the road was extremely icy, and you could barely see through the snowstorm. I realized that we could have any accident, and just as suddenly, I realized I’d be ok with that.
So, now I just wish someone would put me out of my misery, my request is always unanswered, of course.
1 comment
The way you explained how you stopped talking is almost exactly like me except I was like that throughout school which got increasingly worse in highschool, I even feel uncomfortable around some family members outside my main family.
What happened to you emotionally that made you feel this way? Please if it’s something to do with a boy/girl you had strong feelings for or a relation yous had… don’t beat yourself up over it, a relationship is 1 thing out of possibly a million things you can do in life. Sorry if that sounded like I was trying to put you down, I’m just trying to explain that if you shift your eyes from the opposite sex and look around there’s still more interesting things for you to do… did that make sense?
“two have my teachers have mentioned ‘It’s always the quiet ones’”, just out of curiosity, what did you do to make them say that?
I have a death wish to… but I’m afraid I’ll die before I get to leap of my chosen ledge, in other words I don’t want to die unless it’s in my particular way. I remember when I used to go to school that I would hope the car would crash so I’d die and never have to go to that place again… I was so fucking happy when I left until it dawned on me how fucked up life REALLY is.