…..Waiting for the end

May 3rd, 2010by sKaVeNGeR

Afraid to get the oils from my hands on the razor blade…..I am careful…only using my thumb and pointer finger….I hold in my hand…my possible death weapon….an item so small, it could take the life of even a giant….a slow killer indeed….it must be slow…sliding…and slipping into this deep world in which…only the sick people can live…sigh…it feels good…the sharp edge against my clean, shaved, hairless forearm…I whimper just a tad to know that I am alive…and press even harder, to cause such deeper wounds than the last….suddenly I pause…I gaze at the clock…then to the song that is playing on my iPod….then to the light that is bouncing the color red into the air….welcome back….I am back into this slit in the earth….someone must pray to get me out of this purgatory…ah, but see…who…whom would be willing to let such a monster back into this innocent world…I can tell you…but I’d have to kill you…I poured a glass of room temperature water not too long ago…I tried drinking..And it hurts…it’s like…I’m drowning with every sip that I attempt to swallow…..my throat is practically closed….my stomach….is numb…the thought of food disgusts me for I am the fat that I eat….the weekday is Sunday…just before Monday..a day in which society claims to be the worst….but for me…the days that are ahead of me are all a mash of obstacles I must jump to obtain sanity…..whispers are in the air….telling me stop…but I’m not going to listen…because how do I know if those are real whispers…wait, the house talks…tells stories of the undead…protruding through the picture frames and hats hung on the wall…..but I won’t listen…I’m stubborn…I’m…hunting….I’m….the hunter….the taste for blood is on my desk and its all mine…no family to feed…just my own…is the pain really there…I feel…a tingly sensation amongst my face….but nothing of what the say how it is on TV…damn it, I just cut my face…..am I even real…any minute I’m ready to feel the weight of a body dropped from the 10th story high rise…wait..That’s me….but how can it…I’m here telling a story…is it the drugs…is the adrenaline pumping through my veins, really not adrenaline but heroin…I wonder….for I am alive…I must be…breathe David….I gag at the thought of the sun…so bright..So, inviting…non trust worthy…OH MY GOD…IT’S BREAKING IN…THE NOISE ON THE DOOR IS GETTING LOUDER…ITS HERE…ITS HERE FOR ME…PLEASE HELP ME…FOR IM NOT READY TO LEAVE…OH MY GOD…HELP…….and this is when it goes deeper…stuck in a corner…. In the backroom behind the couch….all the lights off…I can’t let it know I’m here hiding…razor blade still in hand…doing its duty….keeping me here still in this life in which I know I can breathe….without it I am lost….shh…I have a secret…I am not crazy…but my brain is broken….my heart is tainted….and my eyes are black…..I have no reflection…just a blurred silhouette…can transparency of the soul be an issue here…when I see people, I don’t think they see me….yet though me…ugh, my arm hurts….my ears are ringing….everything is just a masked sound….when is this nightmare going to end?…Ah…Whew…Thank god….For it is medicine time… J

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