Where do I start and go?
There is nothing on this earth worth living for.
Everyday I live with anxiety, low self esteem and fear.
I am 21 and I’m from a broken family, I don’t think I’ve ever been loved from anyone on this earth. I was molested by my grandfather at a young age before he died, My father has anger issues called myself and siblings fat and i’ve watched him physically and emotionaly abuse my younger brothers, i’ve raised my older sister with downsyndrome until she was older enough to take care of herself.
My mother has schizopherna and I’ve watched her constant suicide attempts throughout my child hood (my own mother doesn’t lve me enough to stay in this world), I’ve come home from being bullied to find no one at home, and haven’t been able to get food for my sister or brothers. The only friend who i had who I told I didn’t want to live posted on myspace that i sucked the life out of her.
My friends abandon me they will all leave you unless you’ve got something to offer them. People are greedy they take take and take until theres nothing left.
I don’t have the strength or will to keep living, people also tell me that suicides the most selfish thing you can do? Isn’t it more selfish to not let someone to be happy so that you don’t have to live without them? I want to die, This world is selfish and hurtfull, the world will end in time. I will never get to do what i wanted too I’ve died in order to get full time work in a job I don’t like so that i an support a family that doesn’t love me! I’m only 21…
When the times right I’ve decided to jump in front of a train – quick death
2 comments
Tere, Hello
After all you have gone through, now that you are 21 and it is the time to start looking around for independence and a stable relationship you are going to let the bad guys ruin your life ? Big no no. As per your mother, if she has schizophrenia, dont blame her. She is enough victim herself.
If being overweight is a problem for you, (as you mention your father has insulted you and this has hurt you), you know you can solve it modifying diet, lifestyle etc. Dont argue this, yes, you can. If you are fine with being obese, well for the sake of your health, you still may want to do your body happy but you don’t need to do it out of self image issues, because your self esteem should not depend on whether you are overweight or not, although it does affect many people.
That your friend has posted something intimate about you and has put your name in myspace ? Do you know that is a crime? Your friend can get in awful legal troubles. There is a fundamental right in all Constitutions which is the right to honour and image. Anybody defaming the name of another person, using wide means of publicity such as the Internet is going to sit before the Tribunals. If you want, you have the power to pop in to the Police Station and file a suit for defamation. This is not something like saying “X is a *****” it is much worse, because there is no repair after having disclosed something like that. So, instead of feeling weak now you are very powerful because you can turn the things the other way around.
Your target is not to work for that “family” but to get out of that and move to another place and find someone reliable. What is depressing you is staying in that family, working for them. Point to other direction, towards your positive goals, becoming independent and trying to find a partner.
Hello… it sounds to me as if your whole family may have some sort of chemical imbalance that makes them behave so horribly. You may have inherited this tendency for anxiety and depression and might want to talk to a doctor about getting some meds to help you stabilize your emotions. Please realize that your mother had her own problems and it had nothing to do with loving you. Don’t take it personally my dear, because now is the time for you to take control of your own life. Decide right now that you have as much to offer as anybody else in the world. You are writing the book of your own life, page by page and you can get through this. Start out by loving yourself, even if nobody else does. Get away from people who mistreat you. Put a profile online that doesn’t use your real name or picture and make new friends to talk to on facebook or myspace who have no idea who you really are. See how much fun it is to talk to people who don’t judge or hurt you. See how quickly you make new cyber friends who will love and support you and give you advice. One good place to talk to other people in crises is called realmentalhealth.com. There are people on there who have real problems just like you and can give you some advice. Log onto cafemom.com and talk to other young women about relationship issues. You don’t have to be a mom. They have hundreds of fun questions to give other people advice on or just ask some yourself and get feedback. Give these things a try and see if you don’t feel better my friend. 🙂