I won’t bother attaching some long and pointless sob story to this. I’m sure that, whether you’d admit it or not, the people who take the time to read this are all a bit sick of them by now. So, straight and to the point. I’ve decided, I’m ready to kill myself. The issue is I’m not sure how yet. I’ve tried hanging myself once. I got to the bridge and sat there for about half an hour trying to talk myself into it but ultimately didn’t have the guts. I’ve held a steak knife to my throat to my throat at night since I was 8 wishing I had the nerve to end it, same result. I guess you could say I’m a coward. I can’t stand pain.
I’ve come to realize that what I need is something that is either instant (so what pain there is will be relatively brief), or something that I can not chicken out of. Let’s think. Something instant, the obvious answer is a gun. I have a gun, a revolver. It was my Grandfather’s, he left it to my dad when he died. We don’t have any ammunition though, and I’m not really a gun person so I’m not sure what kind or size of bullet I would need. Besides that, I’m not sure how a 16 year old would go about getting a bullet. It’s not exactly something you can find at counter in front of the register at Wal-Greens or anything.. So that leads me to my second solution. Something I can’t chicken out of. What I mean by this is something easy that I could do without thinking, and then wait for the death to come. Here I have alot more options. I could park on a train track, fall asleep with a with a bag over my head, etc. Overdose is a thought I’ve entertained a lot. I’m not sure what would be the most reliable thing to take though. Is there something that’s easy to get ahold of, will be relatively quick, and (preferably) painless?
The final thought I’ve entertained is something I saw on a T.V. show. I can’t remember which one it was, maybe NCIS? Anyway, in the show a medical patient commited suicide by disconnecting his IV bag, blowing into it until it was filled with pressurized air, and reconnecting the tube. The resulting air bubble was forced down the tube by the ammount of pressure in the bag, down the tube and into his vein, killing him via heart attack. I love this idea. It follows the same philosophy behind an overdose, the act itself would be as easy as blowing into a plastic bag and waiting. It also seems to be the most selfless solution. Icould beÂ organ donor, and with this method I would be putting myself in a situation where my remains might be used to help save somebody else. I would have the opportunity to actually help save another life, maybe more than 1! When I looked up death via air in veins onlineÂ though, I found lots of posts about the effectiveness of the method. There were people saying that it was a myth, that the air would be filtered out by the lungs before reaching the heart. Others say that it’s perfectly plausable. I just don’t know what to believe.
Anyway, some suggestions would be appreciated. Which method would work best, or can you think of any others that might work just as well?