I won’t bother attaching some long and pointless sob story to this. I’m sure that, whether you’d admit it or not, the people who take the time to read this are all a bit sick of them by now. So, straight and to the point. I’ve decided, I’m ready to kill myself. The issue is I’m not sure how yet. I’ve tried hanging myself once. I got to the bridge and sat there for about half an hour trying to talk myself into it but ultimately didn’t have the guts. I’ve held a steak knife to my throat to my throat at night since I was 8 wishing I had the nerve to end it, same result. I guess you could say I’m a coward. I can’t stand pain.
I’ve come to realize that what I need is something that is either instant (so what pain there is will be relatively brief), or something that I can not chicken out of. Let’s think. Something instant, the obvious answer is a gun. I have a gun, a revolver. It was my Grandfather’s, he left it to my dad when he died. We don’t have any ammunition though, and I’m not really a gun person so I’m not sure what kind or size of bullet I would need. Besides that, I’m not sure how a 16 year old would go about getting a bullet. It’s not exactly something you can find at counter in front of the register at Wal-Greens or anything.. So that leads me to my second solution. Something I can’t chicken out of. What I mean by this is something easy that I could do without thinking, and then wait for the death to come. Here I have alot more options. I could park on a train track, fall asleep with a with a bag over my head, etc. Overdose is a thought I’ve entertained a lot. I’m not sure what would be the most reliable thing to take though. Is there something that’s easy to get ahold of, will be relatively quick, and (preferably) painless?
The final thought I’ve entertained is something I saw on a T.V. show. I can’t remember which one it was, maybe NCIS? Anyway, in the show a medical patient commited suicide by disconnecting his IV bag, blowing into it until it was filled with pressurized air, and reconnecting the tube. The resulting air bubble was forced down the tube by the ammount of pressure in the bag, down the tube and into his vein, killing him via heart attack. I love this idea. It follows the same philosophy behind an overdose, the act itself would be as easy as blowing into a plastic bag and waiting. It also seems to be the most selfless solution. Icould be organ donor, and with this method I would be putting myself in a situation where my remains might be used to help save somebody else. I would have the opportunity to actually help save another life, maybe more than 1! When I looked up death via air in veins online though, I found lots of posts about the effectiveness of the method. There were people saying that it was a myth, that the air would be filtered out by the lungs before reaching the heart. Others say that it’s perfectly plausable. I just don’t know what to believe.
Anyway, some suggestions would be appreciated. Which method would work best, or can you think of any others that might work just as well?
20 comments
I’ve asked people this question before on this website, and I have to be quite honest- no-one will tell you the answer.
For example, I have tried numerous times to get a dosage amount from here about paracetamol and sleeping pills. I have also seen people ask about the quickest way to slit their wrists etc and the answers are never totally useful.
So while I can’t exactly answer your questions, I’m afraid, the quickest answer would seem to be the gun.
I’d like to help, you know like a mercy kill in war for a badly wounded comrade. But it’s too hard to give someone an actual way that they could use to really kill themselves when you don’t the know person, even if you did say your story. Would you tell me how I could kill myself?
It’s like uh how do I say this… I don’t want anyones blood on my hands.
I remember this story in the news a couple years ago: A guy who was suicidal went to his friend house and told him for the first time and his friend thought he was joking and grabbed a gun and handed it to him… you know the rest. that guy practically killed his friend.
Well, I think that if you do know the answers to the questions people ask on this site, you should tell them. I desperately want my questions asked. And the choice is ultimately their own as to whether they act on the advice. You’re not physically doing anything to encourage them.
Also, I don’t understand how you can say you don’t want ‘blood on your hands’ when on the post entitled “i still dont know what to do… help?â€, you basically told someone to just go and shoot themselves.
I don’t think I’m having a go, I just had to point it out. People should just be honest with the advice that they give so if you know the answer, either tell the people who are asking, or just keep it to yourself. Saying, ‘I would help you… but I won’t’ is frustrating to whoever it is that is asking.
when I said “I don’t want blood on my hands” I meant in a way to say I don’t want to be blamed or have it on my conscious that I helped someone die. However if I knew the person in my life and they really did want this, and I believed them, that’s different.
I know nothing about drug dosages, chemicals, nooses or them real complicated methods… every time I research for that information I just get bunch of pages saying that there’s to many of them pages and their killing people, it’s fucking bullshit.
…ok I wrote out something and was gonna post it but… ugh, I felt so evil and anyway the method is pretty ridiculous, I’m real sorry Matt. Try researching Hydrogen Sulfide they say it’s better then carbon monoxide and the only bad thing bout it is the rotten egg smell, I tried to find out how to do it but it’s all them pages like I said above.
” ‘I would help you… but I won’t’ is frustrating to whoever it is that is asking.”
… sorry
“However if I knew the person in my life and they really did want this, and I believed them, that’s different.” – what I mean about this is, in my personnel life it’s… well… personnel, this is out in the open for anyone to see.
I’m trying to figure it out how could I kill myself too.
But I think I’m a gun person, it looks the easiest way. But I don’t have a gun and I don’t know where I could buy one.
I don’t have the guts to slit my wrists or taking pills. I can’t stand pain and I’m not sure that an overdose really works.
You know what I would like to have? That drugs that the doctors give to practice euthanasia. Painless, clean, easy.
Matt. Personally, I’d like to hear your story. You say you’d like to help save a life, maybe more than 1, by being a donor. Share your story and that could be the beginning of saving a life. Someone may identify with what you’re going through and not feel so alone. And you would still be here to reap the karmic benefits of your effort.
Dont take life for granted; If you dont like pain then you arnt ready for suicidal honestly.
and if you want to die, im so suggesting the most painfullest way.
becuase people who have been throuhg so much like the pain.
you ofiously havent been affected that much.
so dont do it?
or do it painfully.
Hey.
I wouldn’t recommend the IV thing. I’ve read up on it, and even if it works it’s said to be excruciatingly painfull and not exactly speedy. And I don’t know, but wouldn’t it damage your heart pretty bad (your organ donor idea)?
All methods have drawbacks, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s really hard to commit suicide without suffering. I mean, executions by lethal injections are said by some to be a horrible way of dying, even though you’re unconscious.
Sorry to piss on your parade. I hope you find something better than suicide.
Personally, this afternoon, I could feel it was gonna be a really crappy afternoon in my head, no matter what I did. So I thought, why make an effort if I can’t change it? So I didn’t make an effort. Nice and easy. I’m thinking about doing that with all the things in my life that are doomed to fail anyway…
I realised on the way home today that one quick way of dying that is hard to ‘chicken out’ of (once you’re mid-air, anyhow) is to throw yourself in front of a train. Instant death. I’m now considering this option myself.
Sorry if this comes too late.
I can’t comprehend what could be so bad in life that you would want it to end…. I have a story to tell, we all do. My story may be bad and horrible, but there is nothing that can’t be resolved.
I can sit here and tell you all the horrible things that I have been through and trust me they are brutally bad. Nothing compares to the pain I felt when my husband hung himself off of our children’s swing set in the backyard Jan 06, 2010. The love of my life, whom I met when I was 12 years old and was married to for 14 years, had three children with, a life with and a future with was no longer here. I was left a widow at 32 years old with three children who loved their daddy very very much. I loved there daddy very very much. My children were in the basement, I went to drop my daughter off for work and was literally 10 minutes away. Had I of known what he was about to do, I would have done everything I could have to save his life. I think about all the could haves, all the should haves and all the would haves every day at least 1000 times in my head.
So lets say you all chose to die by suicide and you succeed at your attempts, what happens next? Honestly if you think nobody cares, I”m here to tell you somebody somewhere cares. You are somebody’s child whethere or not your are and adult or a teen or 8 years old. Somebody carried you, held you and loved you for your entire life. Your parents, they’ll be devestated beyond anything you could imagine. Your parents will be left to do unthinkable things proceeding your death, in a state of shock and despair. If one family member dies by suicide it’s likely that someone else in the family will at least attempt suicide! Would you want this for your parents, even if they fucked up your life by doing terrible things to you?
Everybody has at least one friend…. to somebody you are something spectacular. Get busy and find that person. Stay busy trying to live instead of living to die. I assure you nothing hurts the way that a loved one taking their own life hurts…. If you decide this to be your destiny, I’m sure you can think of one person that would be devasted or think about how you would feel if it was someone that you loved that made such a hasty unthought out decision. That’s where your thoughts come from. If you really thought your suicide out, you would decide against it! There is someone somewhere that you love that would destroy your further if they were to die today….. You mean that much to somebody.
Reconsider
Right then, thank you for the responses. Usually I like to hang around and converse with those who take the time to respond to my posts, but my computer has been acting up this past week. Still, better late than never I suppose.
Anna, death by train is one of the things I’ve thought about myself as well. Only problem I have with it is the possibility of the “survival instinct” kicking in at the last possible moment. I hear about this happening a lot with train suicide survivors. With the aid of some sort of drug though, I see this as being a much more effective way to go. Sleeping pills in particular are handed out like candy these days. Hell, even a child could easily get their hands on some if they knew what to do, but I digress. Thanks for the suggestion.
Teishaleigh, it seems to me as though you have a rather.. imature or childish view upon the way life works. We are taught at a young age that any goal in life worth achieving, any task worth completing requires an ammount of sacrifice. Whether you’re sacrificing your free time time practice a hobby, or your hard earned cash to splurge on a new car, nothing you get is ever free. This is a great idealology to use when raising a child. It teaches them that all work is rewarded in some way, and that if they try hard enough they can be whatever they want to be in life. Unfortunately, this is not the way things work in the real world. People lie, cheat and cut corners all the time, and they get away with it. In fact, more often than not, these are the kinds of people who come out on top. It then becomes apparant as we age, our society is built in such a way that in order to be a success, one must be willing to screw over the little man and get ahead.
I don’t say these things to insult you, I’m just interested in better understanding your point of view. So, now try opening your eyes to this truth and explain to me again.. why should I HAVE to suffer if I feel like dying if there is another, more efficient way of doing things? I will admit that so far, no such opportunity has made itself apparant to me. And I’m sure that eventually, if this trend continues, I’ll result to one of the more… brutal methods of suicide. But I’m the kind of person that overthinks and overanalyzes every little thing. I’m simply trying to get a good feel of what all my options are before I make any rash decisions.
Muspelhem, like I said originally, I researched this method too and found pretty much the same results =p I suppose the only way to know for sure is to ask someone with some sort of proffesional medical training. The point you make about giving up confuses me though. I hear a lot that suicide is a selfish decision. Isn’t just giving up and simply “existing” in the world, consuming resources and not contributing just as selfish, if not moreso? I just don’t see what giving up is supposed to accomplish.
Unity, I had originally decided I don’t care much for sharing my story, but I suppose it is somewhat relevant to this situation and if it will help in getting me an answer, so be it. Put simply, I started getting depressed and thinking about suicide around the age of 8 for various different reasons. When I was 14, I was diagnosed with cancer. By this time I was already in a downward spiral and hearing that I would probably die withing the year was just.. relieving. I thought that I was being spared by nature and that I wouldn’t have to worry about taking my own life anyway. But I was wrong. It’s been 2 years and after my latest visit I am officially in remission. I’m part of the small group of people who can claim they’ve survived cancer. Thing is, I didn’t want to live. I wanted to die, and now it feels like I’ve stolen someone else’s chance. There are plenty of others out there who watch helplessly as their life falls apart before them because of this disease, that would have loved a second chance at life. But no, they didn’t get chosen to live. I did.. it’s like its all part of some cruel joke. I guess the official label for what I have would be survivor’s guilt.. Anyway. Like I mentioned previously, all I hear about is how selfish the act of suicide is. I just thought that the IV situation would help to nulify that selfishness. If I could give my chance to live back to someone else, then why shouldn’t I?
And finally, Candcjones. Your story really touched me. I wish I could say I understand what it was like to lose your loved one, but I’m only 16, and I’m pretty confident in saying that I don’t even know what true love is. I wish you the best, and I admire your perserverance. Something in your comment touched upon a part of my situation I haven’t considered myself until just now though. I’ve posted in the path, but not once has a reply actually gotten through to me like this. You said that “nothing hurts the way that a loved one taking their own life hurts”. You’re right, and I think this is another main reason for me wanting to follow through with this. I won’t bore readers with the entire story of my life, but every person I have let into my life, every SINGLE fucking one of them has let me down immensely. I’m starting to realize now that this is part of the reason why I want to do this. I want them to hurt, all of them. I want them all to feel as if my blood is on their hands. These are the people who made my life hell before the cancer had set in, and it seems only fair that I make their lives hell in return.
I read the words that I’m typing, and I can’t believe that I am capable of such a spiteful act. But inside, I know that every word is true.
Matt, thank you for taking the time to share this.
K-Mart stocks ammunition for various gun types, 9mm, 44. etc.
Hello Matt, I only just saw this thread so I don’t know if you’re still around. I too have been studying suicide methods for exactly the same reasons you state. It’s so refreshing to be able to read a thread like this that is not full of people trying to dissuade you from suicide.
Have you given any thought to the helium bag method? This is something that I have decided upon, but I do have some niggles with it, which I won’t put out on here unless I get a response to this.
There is a site discussing this method and it all seems pretty positive. It seems to be one of the most painless and peaceful ways to do it. In fact, the only problem that is talked about if the fact that some people are extremely uncomfortable with putting a bag over their heads.
I wonder does anyone on here have any information about the helium hood method?
So where are you now?
Its very hard to commit suicide. I hade attempted my times but failed.
Hey Matt, I read through this entire thread as well as your story, and I just have to say that I feel like I’m looking at a twin version of myself in you. Judging by your inactivity, I’m guessing you might be gone already, and if that be the case, RIP to you my good sir, I hope it’s better where you are now. I’ve been looking for methods for years now, nothing seems practical or painless, it’s getting hopeless for me, I want to die more than anything, and sure as hell don’t care about the people I’m leaving behind, considering that they’re the ones who made my life a living hell
I have read up on so many method and none seem to have a great success rate :-s I find it a bit frustrating trying to find a reliable method when there are so many videos and stories of people online that have achieved suicide.
I have tried a few methods that have all failed and now the only ones left are the ones I didn’t really want to do for the sake of they can harm others or they leave a mess behind for someone to clean up etc but, I am starting to have no faith in ERGO or Exits literature, they seem to be more of a distraction from success then anything else, the purity of equipment needed that they speak of is virtually impossible to get hold of with all the new dilutions. I am now of the opinion there really is no easy or painless way to achieve suicide.