#3 Short, but direct.

‘I’m drowning in these feelings and it’s scaring me to death’.

I have been suicidally depressed for 9 months to a year.  Things haven’t got better.  I’ve tried all I can.  Things never will get better.  I have lost my life – my friends, family, career – through this illness.

I just can’t cope.  Please someone take the pain away.  Make my head right again and my spine pain-free.  I could deal with the pain on its own, but with this enduring mental distress.. it doesn’t end.  I haven’t healed from one trauma, let alone deal with another and another and another.

I need someone to talk to on a regular basis, who I trust, and can get familiar with me and my history.  Apparantly that is too demanding to the mental health services.  Maybe I am being unrealistic.

Too many things being thrown at a person who has become weakened and weary, otherwise strong, but now almost powerless and ready to concede to the big sleep.

After work tomo, I am going to do this and do it right this time – no one will miss me until tuesday.  By tuesday, I want to be dead.  I want to not feel, and to not always be afraid. I am so tired, and fed up of always struggling to stay above ground.  I need help.  But there’s not any out there.