A deeper meaning

I have suffered from schizophrenia for as long as i can remember. First it started off with hearing a voice scream my name so loud i thought my eardrums would burst. Then it slowly progressed to visual hallucinations, i started to see shadowy masses that were in the shape of a person. Then a few months ago i began to actually feel hallucinations touch my arm. A few weeks ago i began to see faces of people that i dont recognize. And just today i have began seeing inanimate objects move. I’m not really frightened by the hallucinations themselves, but its what they bring with them that frightens me. They bring the memories of the absolute worst days, months, or years of my life. Every time i hallucinate im not thinking “what the hell was that” im thinking “grandma, why did you try to kill yourself in front of me”  or “dad, why are you always drunk”. Its these god damn memories that haunt me, not my hallucinations.  It just seems like every horrible day i have i am guaranteed to have a messed up hallucination or more than one.  And once i hallucinate something, i wont just remember the day, but i remember how i felt when those memories flooded into my head. Sometimes i just feel worse, other times i just start crying my eyes out. I just need the memories to stop.

I have been on multiple psych meds over these last few months. I only had one medication work and it  was called respuridol, unfortunately i had a very bad side effect to it and am afraid to take it again. I was wondering if anyone knew a good medication to control hallucinations that dosent have really bad side effects. If there is a med like that, is it expensive?  Or is there no medication like that out there? I dont know very much about medicine , so im sorry if these sound like stupid questions, but i need to know if there is something out there that can help me.