When you have decided to leave this world, how beautifull every thing looks, how good every one around you seems, but its that i dont fit in here … I wish i did …
For some reason, the person who matters to me the most keep making me feel i am nothing to them, thats why I try to keep myself isolated, but an angel came into my life, turned my life upside down, life was like a music. First I did not want to trust her too, because I was scared, Scared that she would leave me too, but then I asked myself, If i cant trust this angel, can I trust any one else? She was so gorgeous, not by looks, I mean by her heart. We were such a good friends, she was the whole world to me, we shared every thing that happened in our life. It was all through phone, We became such good friend through phone, even though we were 1000s of miles apart, i felt i had some one with me always. We knew each other even before, when we were near we were some one to each other, but when we were far, we becaome best friends.:) Just when I felt I was the luckiest guy in this world, It all came down in moments of flash, all of sudden she started avoiding me and stopped talking to me giving a small missunderstanding as a reason for her to stop talking with me. Its been 1.5 years now, I have been waiting, waiting & waiting for her to come back. But now I have lost the hope that she would. I dont know what changed her so much, from extream love she has started to hate me the most in this world. I am not able to carry on further, not knowing what she is doing, what she is thinking, and not able to share anything with her … 🙁 What hurts me more is to picture this angel being so harsh with me, I cant believe angels can be harsh, and not my angel, I dont want to believe. I hope she still cares for me inside her heart.
Its not just about her that drives me to end my life, but its that if she could also hurt me, who else can be without hurting me? because she cared for me so much, she said she would never leave me, I am just scared what would happen if I live for more days, how much more wounds, how many more tearful days, how many more disappointment. I dont want to … yes i am a cowerd, but cant help it … it hurts a lot … continues rejection has driven me to this day …
Now., all I am worried are about the people who depend on me, my parents, I am not sure how they are going to manage once I leave them, all I can say to them is Sorry, hope they would understand me.
Good bye every one ………… going to discover, who is God, what happens in the dark, is there ghosts and so many more undiscovered answers 😛
Going to the brink of eternity from which nothing can vanish—no hope, no happiness, no vision of a face seen through tears.
PS: I have got rat posion, hope it works 😛 but i wish this could look like an accident, any one got any last minute tip for commiting sucide such that it looks like a accident?