I’m so fed up. With myself and with life in general. There is nothing to live for. I feel like I dont deserve to live, I dont have a purpose here. I don’t offer anything to the world. I’m only ‘average’ at everything, there’s nothing special about me. And for some reason I can just not be happy with myself. I always cry, I’m so FED UP with myself. I’m fat, ugly, worthless. No one wants me. I’m too shy, too anti social. I can’t even describe how I feel. I just don’t belong here. I want to die. I have thought about suicide since sixth grade. I used to cut, back in the eighth/nineth grade and now I’m 16 and i just always have the urge to cut but for some reason i dont. i think im ready to end it all soon. but thats another thing about me, im too scared to do it. so im just trapped in this pathetic body, this pathetic brain, with these pathetic thoughts…. and im just so fed up with it all.
4 comments
signing on here and posting this shows that you have some initiative.you say there is nothing to live for? that you dont have a purpose? that you dont deserve to live? there are no easy answers, but if youre looking for some real honest ones you came to the right place. you have to MAKE something to live for. you have to FIND your purpose. and you have to DO something to deserve the life youre given. find what youre interested in, apply yourself to it, and get good at it. you say youre fat, then work out. eat healthy. you may think youre ugly but i guarantee you theres someone out there who will think youre amazing. as for the shyness, just put yourself out there. go make friends. its hard but very rewarding.
u have a purpose hun. I’ll help you find tht purpose if u wana. Add me on fcbk- aliya-77_289@hotmail.com. We can chat. Everyone has something beautiful about them, if u dont think so, we can always find something rite?:-) Don’t hate yourself please, u seem like u have alot of beauty on the inside. Lets chat and we can help you see it on the outside:-) I kno this mite me weird…sum random stranger telling you this…bt i’m 17 and I was sorta and still can be suicidal about the same thing so we’re on the same rad hun…
I’m a 28 year old woman…..and I feel exactly the same way you do and always have. Wish I could tell you that it gets better. Reality is that it doesn’t, but there simply can be some “good times” and so, many people will try and convince you that it is worth it so as not to miss out on anything “good.” I cannot say if it is worth it. I will say that I’m glad you posted this.
Hello Anonymous,
DON’T BELIEVE ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU IT DOESN’T GET BETTER!!!
Your feelings about yourself sound very much like the way I thought about myself during my teens. Often I would wish I were dead. Very often! I didn’t think I was good at much of anything; no talent, no skills. I didn’t believe I would ever be able to have any decent career. I would never amount to anything. I couldn’t imagine anyone ever wanting to be with me. I was shy, introverted, felt worthless. I also didn’t know what my purpose in life was. And on and on and on…
Lives can and do change for the better! Just because you haven’t found your purpose yet, only means you haven’t found your purpose yet. That’s it! As far as a “purpose” for you being here, don’t think that the purpose has to be something huge and so obvious that everyone knows all about it. Life is a series of “purposes”. And at times your purpose may just be to give a kind smile to a stranger. It’s the little things. They often are the biggest!
You’re 16 and you feel that you haven’t figured life out yet? That part doesn’t change. And that is the challange, the mystery that keeps things interesting. The most we can figure out is some of who we are. As much as I hated myself when I was younger, there was one thing about me that I was proud of and that was that I truly wanted to help others. It took me a while before I really explored that on a large scale, but it was there for the little things as I was growing up. And as I would eventually learn, the “little” things, actually really are huge. A real purpose in life is built one little piece at a time.
You may be confused because you’re uncertain of what career you want; what you would like to do when your older. I dropped out of high school in the 9th grade. So not hav any known skills, limited education, and at best, average intelligence, I figured my life was already over. And as miserable as I always was, I really hadn’t even started life yet!
Eventually, I would end up being an electrical engineer. When I went back to school, at the age of 33, I figured if I really only did have average intelligence, I’d just have to try harder. And I did. While you do have to try hard, a step at a time, you don’t have to, and hopefully won’t, wait as long as I did.
At an early age, somewhere in my teens, I began to realize that the kindest, deepest, most wonderful people, were the quiet ones. Useually the ones that seemed to lack self-confidence. I attributed this, in part, to them not talking so much, therefor developing their listening skills. And in that they lacked confidence, they learned to know pain.
Often, I believe, knowing mental pain helps us to better understand how to avoid inflicting pain into others. Knowing pain is such a valuable tool. I believe it is the most valuable tool for us if we wish to create “absolute” happiness in ours and other’s lives. Of course there are some people that will want to make others feel pain since they do; and that is such a waste of life and a beautiful opportunity.
You don’t seem to like your looks. The real beauty is in your heart. That is what makes a person beautiful. AS people get older, people tend to realize this. That is the beauty that is “absolute”! It is real! PLEASE develop that beauty.
If you think your talent is at best average, then you just havn’t found the things that will really make your talent, and intelligence, shine. I didn’t find out these “talents” until I was “way” out of my teens. But I didn’t try either. I was too busy giving up and hateing myself. But you most defintely do not have to wait as long as I did. If you pray, start praying about finding the things you’re interested in, and actually doing and developing them. Just take a step at a time. Get involved with a volunteer organization. Doing this surly will assist you in developing some social skills.
Just start trying. Start taking small steps. Start thinking of positive ways you can spend parts of your day. Instead of just getting information you want by getting on the internet, go to the library. You’ll be able to be around people but you won’t have to worry about much talking. Just take things a step at a time. That’s all you or anyone can do.
Sorry to write so long, but I absolutly hate seeing someone feel the way you do, when I know it can change. Just a step at a time. When you start to move in a positive direction, the universe starts to move with you. As corny as that may sound, it is oh so true. I’ve lived it. Lastly, DO NOT let other people discourage you!! You’re already doing enough of this yourself. So stop that:)
And, I like very much what angeliyah16 and nate wrote for you!. Please read those, and when you’ve finished, read them again!! Every day if you can. Please.
You are VERY WELCOME to e-mail me at peaceyeswecan@gmail.com.
Peace & Love,
John