Today I went out biking with my dad. About a little over 10 miles away we reached the waterfront. It was beautiful. It was there that I found it. I was looking around and cruising. On my left was the water, on my right was a cliff, overgrown and rocky. I immediatly knew that even though it wasn’t very high. It might Just be tall enough. I don’t know when I’ll go back, but it’s comforting to know it’s there. I’ve already started thinking of how I could make it work. I think I might know how. I like the idea of knowing that the end of all this shit is so close. I have a choice this time.
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Hello
I think you should pass him this paragraph of yours, and talk with him, with that man that happens to be someone you call dad and who bike rides with you.
But that man is somone whom I don’t think I can trust and who makes me want to cut a lot of the time. I love him but, Luke the rest of the family, he’s killing me! No matter what I do, he’ll never be satisfied. He wants me to be perfect.
hello 77evergone77
um… I’m back (awkward) my situation’s still the same but mentally I feel a lot more optimistic, optimistic but still not motivated. I to have I way to kill myself, it’s so so simple and I can pretty much do it ANYWHERE, but right now I can’t see myself attempting it any time this year or next.
Do you remember that paragraph I wrote something like “do you really want to give up EVERYTHING”… it is so not worth it. Think of it this way: All your dreams, goals, favourite foods, movies, songs… EVERYTHING, your senses (smell, eyesight etc.) unveiling your future second by second etc.
Do you really REALLY want to throw all that in the trash because of these feelings in exchange for something you will never get a look at before, the afterlife could be something worse then this reality and I don’t mean hell.
My new view on life: Time doesn’t stop, I’ll be on my deathbed before I know it. LIVE, ENJOY, DIE and say FUCK YOU to things that get in your way.
You ARE young (mature, I know), and I don’t mean to sound so hypocritical but you have heaps of time to turn things around, so do I an I have kinda. What helped me was pulling out the nail I used to stick myself to suicide and sticking it something else, pretty stupid so I won’t say what it is but pick anything (that’s not bad) and when you look at life try to see it as it is: A ONE in an INFINITY chance at happening, a miracle (not religious wise). We will all die one day, it doesn’t have to be this way. Key to life is patience.
Well anyway it’s only your choice to make, I just hope I got you thinking more seeing as you now have a potential exit.
“…he’s killing me! No matter what I do, he’ll never be satisfied. He wants me to be perfect.”
made me think of this song, maybe you can relate to it (a bit): youtube.com/watch?v=ZoOd9JDIPB0
I guess I’m happy your back even though it isn’t neccesserily good that your back on this site. Yes I know I’m young but it’s so easy to forget that. Why does age matter so much? It only allows for restrictions and was for others to look down on you and become an opressive presence. I try to take advantage of my older appearanace so I don’t usually say my age. I know I could be u doing and possibly ruining a lot of things by doing this which is why I havnt in a while. I’ve stuck to cutting, burning, scratching, ect. And to avoiding those who will probably guess or notice. I’ve been trying hard but it seems everyone else is trying to push me just as hard. I’m not that strong. There’s only one me.
why do you want to kill yourself?
You know when you eat something really disgusting but you have to cause it’s healthy… well soon as it’s swallowed it’s done. Just keep looking forward. I remember I said to myself at the beginning of 5th grade “I’ll never get out of here (school), it’s never gonna end”… and now I’m out and barely remember anything of it. I hope you get what I’m saying, you don’t need motivation to pass time, it just happens. You must have some sort of positive life goal, would you throw away a billion dollars if it mean’t you had to clean up shit for a month? It’s worth staying. I know I’m being hypocritical compared to how I was before, sorry.
No it’s okay. Everyone is a hypocrite. Sometimes I do have goals that will help me for a while but then y parents start pushing and I en up fiishing it really early. Then it takes me a while to find a new goal.