Is there a point?

June 8th, 2010by nick

Hi I’m Nick. I’ll try to keep this short, sweet, and to the point. I started having suicidal thoughts 4 years ago. I really didn’t have a good reason. I just wasn’t happy with my life and I felt really alone. Over time things got better and I wanted to live. I started being around my family more which really helped. And after I blew my knee out playing football I started to coach Special Olympics football and basketball. I found my passion and that was to be a coach. If something was bothering me and I felt depressed, sports was always there and it always made me feel good. Sports was my anti-depressant. Well in June of 2009 my only older brother got out of prison. I was extremly excited because I loved to hang out with him and see him. During the time when he was in prison we always wrote letters to each other. In his letters he talked a lot about how he was a changed person and that the old him is dead and there his someone new coming home. During the summer him and I always hung out and did stuff together. Long story short he wasn’t even 3 months out and he relapsed. It was the biggest dissapointment of my life. I couldn’t even hear his voice without getting frustrated. So in November I fell in love with my best friend. She is everything I ever wanted in someone. In April younger brother and sister pack up and leave without notice. It shattered my heart because I love them very much and I don’t know when I’ll get to see them again. Two days after they left my love left me. It was just out of nowhere. It killed me. I got so bad that I wasn’t enjoying anything anymore. The fun things I used to do weren’t fun anymore. Not even my coaching. I went to see a doctor and they ranke me in the very severe depression area.  So I got onto some medication to help me. I wanted to feel better. It’s been two months and I’ve gotten worse. I feel extremly alone. I don’t see what the point of living is. I know there are lots of people that love me and care about me but I am just walking around in all this pain. I feel extremly empty inside. I hate my life. I don’t want to be here anymore. At the same time I hate to give up on things. I am a coach, I don’t believe in quitting. But I’ve gotten so bad that I just can’t do it anymore. I’d rather be dead then walking around like this. Someone please give me some inspiring words. Someone please help me. Thanks…

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