Is this it?!

Hi, my name is Daniel. Im 15 years old and have suffered from depression for 7 years. I have also suffered from hallucinations, and bipolar. I hate myself more than anything have started cutting again. I am also slowly becoming  suicidal again. I held of on killing myself a few months back because i had a little bit of hope that i could get better. Shortly after that i got on meds. The meds didnt do shit for me for a few months, instead all of the worst side effects took place, such as having my neck spasm until it almost broke and vision problems. And during the time i was on meds i began to relaize how pointless it is for me to live. The only reason im alive right now is because i dont want to hurt the few people that care about me. And i honestly dont know how long that reason will keep me here. Its not like i have any potential to do anything , so whats the point of me living here? Every single day is torture for me… i just cant take it anymore, im even starting to cry again. And the fucked up thing is….im on great medications and they are perfectley balanced right now, and they arent making much of a difference. So i have been wondering if this is really what i have been waitng for….is this why i stayed alive? Because honestly,  i wish i killed myself the very first time i put a gun to my head. The meds have made such a little difference in how i feel, but nothing really significant. The weird thing is that my meds make me act somewhat happy. I laugh at the stupidest things, i smile for no reason…..but on the inside im crying my eyes out. I really dont know how much longer i can keep going….i just want the pain to end.